Just one day
That's all I want.
Just twenty-four hours
without wondering what comes next
or what on earth I'm doing.
Because I'm here, it's my home.
Like it or loathe it.
To dream every single day is exhausting.
Just one day, is it so much to ask?
I see others without such woe
No pursuit of destiny.
Blind to the colors yet to be discovered.
and oh how I long for that freedom!
Because along with yearning comes doubt.
What if? What if? What if?
Make. It. Stop.
But yet I am a dreamer
and I pray I continue to be.
No illusions that "this is it."
I know my heart is calling me beyond that.
Helpless as it makes me,
no life could be better
than one that seeks significance
and definition in Him who created my dreams.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Breaking Habits
I've been doing a Biggest Loser competition at work since January. Although the competition only lasts for 12 weeks, we "piggy-back" one competition onto the next so that the last week of one is also the first week of the next. July began my third consecutive season. What was I thinking?!
I've known for quite some time that I needed to lose weight. But it's remarkable how long you can simply acknowledge that fact about yourself and DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. Well, thanks to good ol' holiday photographs, I was faced with the reality of my situation in a highly motivating way. Thus, when the competition started in January, I joined with enthusiasm.
Now, rather than resorting to the extremes of a crash diet, or flush of my system, or unrealistic workout regime--I determined to simply try and change my habits. I gave up desserts and sweets (boo!) as well as alcohol (double boo!) and did my best to "be more active." The first three months (January - March), I did great and lost about 10lbs. I even placed 3rd in the competition! The second three months (April - June) were a little more up and down and in the end I only lost 3lbs. I'm feeling motivated again (why can't it be a permanent state?) and hoping that July through September show more progress. Here is my weight log thus far--I'm glad that I'm below the "trend":
All this was to say that I'm learning a lot through the Biggest Loser about breaking habits. I've heard people say that it takes at least 30 days of doing something for it to become a habit. I wonder what the measure is for breaking a habit? My experience throughout the Biggest Loser is that it takes much longer to BREAK a habit than it does to form a new one. Wouldn't you agree?
Since a lot of "bad" habits are things that bring us pleasure (like eating chocolate, for me), when we try to get rid of them we know exactly what we are missing. No wonder it's a struggle to change. And if my bad habit is not exercising, boy I am going to feel the agony of getting muscles into shape after being inactive! If my bad habit is staying up late (ahem, like tonight), then I'm going to feel like I'm missing out if I go to bed early.
A friend once told me - the easiest way to lose weight is to never gain it. SO TRUE. And true with physical activity too; the easiest way to stay in shape is to remain active. I wonder why we focus so much on changing bad habits instead of preventing bad habits from ever forming? Obviously, we're prone to "bad" habits and have to change, but I believe more steps can and should be taken to proactively counteract bad habits from forming by concentrating on good habits.
I believe there is a spiritual parallel here too - do you see it? What does it look like in your life right now? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and on good/bad habits--even weight loss!
Thanks for reading.
I've known for quite some time that I needed to lose weight. But it's remarkable how long you can simply acknowledge that fact about yourself and DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. Well, thanks to good ol' holiday photographs, I was faced with the reality of my situation in a highly motivating way. Thus, when the competition started in January, I joined with enthusiasm.
Now, rather than resorting to the extremes of a crash diet, or flush of my system, or unrealistic workout regime--I determined to simply try and change my habits. I gave up desserts and sweets (boo!) as well as alcohol (double boo!) and did my best to "be more active." The first three months (January - March), I did great and lost about 10lbs. I even placed 3rd in the competition! The second three months (April - June) were a little more up and down and in the end I only lost 3lbs. I'm feeling motivated again (why can't it be a permanent state?) and hoping that July through September show more progress. Here is my weight log thus far--I'm glad that I'm below the "trend":
Since a lot of "bad" habits are things that bring us pleasure (like eating chocolate, for me), when we try to get rid of them we know exactly what we are missing. No wonder it's a struggle to change. And if my bad habit is not exercising, boy I am going to feel the agony of getting muscles into shape after being inactive! If my bad habit is staying up late (ahem, like tonight), then I'm going to feel like I'm missing out if I go to bed early.
A friend once told me - the easiest way to lose weight is to never gain it. SO TRUE. And true with physical activity too; the easiest way to stay in shape is to remain active. I wonder why we focus so much on changing bad habits instead of preventing bad habits from ever forming? Obviously, we're prone to "bad" habits and have to change, but I believe more steps can and should be taken to proactively counteract bad habits from forming by concentrating on good habits.
I believe there is a spiritual parallel here too - do you see it? What does it look like in your life right now? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and on good/bad habits--even weight loss!
Thanks for reading.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Fellowship Metro
When I moved from Belfast, Northern Ireland back to Dallas, Texas, I went through a rough transition. While my friends, family, and new coworkers were great, one of the things that helped me the most was a Sunday night church service called Fellowship Metro (part of Fellowship Bible Church Dallas).
I happened upon Metro on my second Sunday of visiting churches after moving from my parents house in Plano to my own apartment in Dallas--and I never left! My first time to Metro was only the second week that this community had met so it was comforting that I was just as new as everyone else. In addition, Metro operates under the tagline "a community on mission," and since I was just coming from the literal mission field this mission statement resonated with me.
For over two and a half years I have been a part of the community at Fellowship Metro. From helping with refugee outreach events, to planning a womens retreat, to being a part of small groups, to helping with announcements, to running the twitter account, to leading a womens small group for 18 months, to seeing people get married or have babies or move away, to helping women get counseled, to creating prayer/worship services, to providing childcare for a married small group every week---the list goes on and on. I loved it all! Ultimately, my friends at Metro became my family and allowed me to be myself and helped me process my daily struggle of being authentic and finding out how I'm supposed to live on mission in Dallas while working from a cubicle.
Last night was the last Fellowship Metro. The church saw that the need for this "next generation" Sunday night service wasn't there anymore; Metro had served its purpose in that way. Two of the Metro Pastors are being lead to start a new campus plant of Fellowship Dallas and a new mid-week young adult ministry. I'm so excited about how God is leading these opportunities out of the mission of Fellowship Metro.
On that same note, this transition out of Metro comes at the same time that I feel (again) as though I am in a personal transition. My leadership break from Metro the last six months showed me that God was the ONLY thing that made any of the good things possible in the last two and a half years. It was a good lesson for me to learn. Now that my heart feels more humbled, I'm eager to see what ministry God would have me get involved with again.
I was offered an opportunity with a ministry, but my heart is feeling led a different direction. It's exciting to think about doing something new and on my own. So I'm going to continue praying about this new idea/passion that is building within me--I don't want to do it without knowing God is behind it. But I'm excited about the future and thankful that everything I've learned from the Metro community has undoubtedly prepared me for whatever comes next.
I happened upon Metro on my second Sunday of visiting churches after moving from my parents house in Plano to my own apartment in Dallas--and I never left! My first time to Metro was only the second week that this community had met so it was comforting that I was just as new as everyone else. In addition, Metro operates under the tagline "a community on mission," and since I was just coming from the literal mission field this mission statement resonated with me.
For over two and a half years I have been a part of the community at Fellowship Metro. From helping with refugee outreach events, to planning a womens retreat, to being a part of small groups, to helping with announcements, to running the twitter account, to leading a womens small group for 18 months, to seeing people get married or have babies or move away, to helping women get counseled, to creating prayer/worship services, to providing childcare for a married small group every week---the list goes on and on. I loved it all! Ultimately, my friends at Metro became my family and allowed me to be myself and helped me process my daily struggle of being authentic and finding out how I'm supposed to live on mission in Dallas while working from a cubicle.
Last night was the last Fellowship Metro. The church saw that the need for this "next generation" Sunday night service wasn't there anymore; Metro had served its purpose in that way. Two of the Metro Pastors are being lead to start a new campus plant of Fellowship Dallas and a new mid-week young adult ministry. I'm so excited about how God is leading these opportunities out of the mission of Fellowship Metro.
On that same note, this transition out of Metro comes at the same time that I feel (again) as though I am in a personal transition. My leadership break from Metro the last six months showed me that God was the ONLY thing that made any of the good things possible in the last two and a half years. It was a good lesson for me to learn. Now that my heart feels more humbled, I'm eager to see what ministry God would have me get involved with again.
I was offered an opportunity with a ministry, but my heart is feeling led a different direction. It's exciting to think about doing something new and on my own. So I'm going to continue praying about this new idea/passion that is building within me--I don't want to do it without knowing God is behind it. But I'm excited about the future and thankful that everything I've learned from the Metro community has undoubtedly prepared me for whatever comes next.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Social Networking Dilemma
I like certain aspects of Twitter and Facebook, but not all of them. For instance, if I find myself caring too much, I get emotionally exhausted by worrying that something I post will be too dull, too religious, too boastful, too cheesy, too pathetic, or even offensive. Almost every day I find myself wishing that I could have separate accounts for my job, my spiritual thoughts, my peers, and younger/older generations. I think that would make life easier. Is anyone else with me on this?
Yet, once again, my quest for authenticity demands that I not separate my life into categories. I can’t simply one facet of myself without also being all the rest at the same time. That’d be like ___(insert obvious and profound parallel here)___.
So in this great social networking battle that I find myself in, I’ve decided that I just need to be 100% me, 100% of the time. (Regardless of whether or not I’ll get a judgmental comment or lose a few followers.)
Besides, if honesty is always the best policy—so why am I fretting over this? Note to self: get a grip!
Yet, once again, my quest for authenticity demands that I not separate my life into categories. I can’t simply one facet of myself without also being all the rest at the same time. That’d be like ___(insert obvious and profound parallel here)___.
So in this great social networking battle that I find myself in, I’ve decided that I just need to be 100% me, 100% of the time. (Regardless of whether or not I’ll get a judgmental comment or lose a few followers.)
Besides, if honesty is always the best policy—so why am I fretting over this? Note to self: get a grip!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Civilized and Uncivilized
When I received an e-mail from a coworker yesterday afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a link to an interesting article regarding South African soccer fans. It provided an entertaining diversion for the slowest part of my day, and it also had several "stand out" statements that provoked my thoughts toward the Christ-follower's life.
In a nutshell, a South African man (Maurice Meyer) and his wife decided to swim both ways across a crocodile-infested river in order to win VIP World Cup tickets from a radio DJ. And get this, the idea was all theirs; the DJ only said someone had to do the "craziest thing." Well, they did it, and they lived to tell about it. The author of this article, Dan Wetzel, writes: "Incredibly, the Meyers did this without a guarantee they’d even win. And they won’t. The radio station considered their feat too dangerous and refused to endorse it." (Read the full article here: The Spirit of South Africa.)
There's a big part of me that is a thrill seeker and that's one of the reasons why I love following Christ--it's thrilling and risky and dangerous and difficult...and FUN! What word, other than thrilling, could you use to describe putting your faith in an "unseen" God, trusting Him alone for your safety, and choosing to live more for Him than you do yourself?!
Thus, can you see why the words of Dan Wetzel in reference to South Africa and its people reminded me so much of my life as a Christ-follower? Just read some of his words and my thoughts about them below:
"It’s a raw, wild place that, at the same time, embraces a fun-loving side. And it’s full of men and women who figure taunting crocodiles is a rush. It’s both civilized and uncivilized at the exact same time – a mix that often works perfectly." -- Living as a Christian has given me countless "uncivilized" moments where I witness the reactions of shock as I tell others Who I live my life for. I am familiar with the rush of adrenaline that comes at those moments too. Moments where you choose to take a leap into the potentially dangerous waters of controversy and raw honesty. There are the moments that defy the "civilized" code of not talking about religion and politics.
"The jokes are the best part of South Africa. Everyone is a comedian here. Life isn’t simple in this country. It’s not really first world and parts are certainly third. Nothing surprises anyone, apparently." -- A more recent lesson that I've learned as a Christ-follower is that I have to have a sense of humor about life and religion. Too many people get offended too easily or are surprised by something that is very normal, very human. So I'm continually realizing that we need comedic relief and we need to laugh at ourselves--I don't think Jesus is serious 100% of the time and we shouldn't be either.
"So in a place where the earth burning doesn’t cause a second glance and the political, social and economic structure is under such intense strain, importance is still placed on enjoying every moment, of challenging yourself and others." -- As a Christ-follower, I know that we're doomed as humans but that Christ brings us hope. Therefore, I want to put importance on the relationships in my life and the actions I can take to improve my area of influence with the time I have here on earth. We all need each other and we all need to challenge each other to be better lovers, dreamers, and representatives of Christ until He calls us home.
Well that's enough from me. It's time to get more interactive. What do you think? Did you read the article and see something else that I missed? I hope you share because I'd really like to know.
In a nutshell, a South African man (Maurice Meyer) and his wife decided to swim both ways across a crocodile-infested river in order to win VIP World Cup tickets from a radio DJ. And get this, the idea was all theirs; the DJ only said someone had to do the "craziest thing." Well, they did it, and they lived to tell about it. The author of this article, Dan Wetzel, writes: "Incredibly, the Meyers did this without a guarantee they’d even win. And they won’t. The radio station considered their feat too dangerous and refused to endorse it." (Read the full article here: The Spirit of South Africa.)
There's a big part of me that is a thrill seeker and that's one of the reasons why I love following Christ--it's thrilling and risky and dangerous and difficult...and FUN! What word, other than thrilling, could you use to describe putting your faith in an "unseen" God, trusting Him alone for your safety, and choosing to live more for Him than you do yourself?!
Thus, can you see why the words of Dan Wetzel in reference to South Africa and its people reminded me so much of my life as a Christ-follower? Just read some of his words and my thoughts about them below:
"It’s a raw, wild place that, at the same time, embraces a fun-loving side. And it’s full of men and women who figure taunting crocodiles is a rush. It’s both civilized and uncivilized at the exact same time – a mix that often works perfectly." -- Living as a Christian has given me countless "uncivilized" moments where I witness the reactions of shock as I tell others Who I live my life for. I am familiar with the rush of adrenaline that comes at those moments too. Moments where you choose to take a leap into the potentially dangerous waters of controversy and raw honesty. There are the moments that defy the "civilized" code of not talking about religion and politics.
"The jokes are the best part of South Africa. Everyone is a comedian here. Life isn’t simple in this country. It’s not really first world and parts are certainly third. Nothing surprises anyone, apparently." -- A more recent lesson that I've learned as a Christ-follower is that I have to have a sense of humor about life and religion. Too many people get offended too easily or are surprised by something that is very normal, very human. So I'm continually realizing that we need comedic relief and we need to laugh at ourselves--I don't think Jesus is serious 100% of the time and we shouldn't be either.
"So in a place where the earth burning doesn’t cause a second glance and the political, social and economic structure is under such intense strain, importance is still placed on enjoying every moment, of challenging yourself and others." -- As a Christ-follower, I know that we're doomed as humans but that Christ brings us hope. Therefore, I want to put importance on the relationships in my life and the actions I can take to improve my area of influence with the time I have here on earth. We all need each other and we all need to challenge each other to be better lovers, dreamers, and representatives of Christ until He calls us home.
Well that's enough from me. It's time to get more interactive. What do you think? Did you read the article and see something else that I missed? I hope you share because I'd really like to know.