Think Time

This week I've cut back on my schedule. Shocking, I know. But because I was starting a new position at work, I knew the transition was going to be draining and I could use all the down time I could get. Let me just say, it was incredible. I got to drive around, wander through shops and stores, cook dinner, and work out. Simple pleasures.

This did give me a lot of "think time." Ironically enough, I was reading a chapter from Howard Hendrick's "Living by the Book" and came across the same concept there. I am reading from the third and final section of the book about application of the bible. One of the steps of application is to MEDITATE.

The author shares that he was once at a time in his life where he was near a psychotic breakdown. It wasn't until someone came and visited him and followed him around that he heard the words: "Your problem is that you are behind on your think time." Like the author, I can let so many things occupy my attention that I don't allow myself time apart to process it all. This could be the very definition of "overwhelmed."

True meditation (aka: think time) is "pondering the truth with a view to letting it help and readjust our lives." This is vital to the Believer. Hopefully, believers are spending time in God's word. But more than that, are believer leaving time to mediate on these works and let them sink in to our core and change our lives? Or are we just crossing off our list of "christian things to do today?"

When I lived in Northern Ireland, the staff at Youth for Christ were masters at knowing their year-teams would need time to meditate. Every month we would get together for a "team day" and there would always be a reflective exercise or an hour or more of "me time." I credit those moments to my sanity that year. And what have I done to continue that practice here in Dallas? Aside from the occasional emotional breakdown due to exhaustion, I don't give myself that time until it's a spiritual code red. I should be proactive about scheduling biblical meditation in my life.

Meditation is key to changing our outlook. Just like I felt as though my quality of life was better this week because I started a wonderful new position at work and had more down time in the evenings, I'm sure the same will apply to my spiritual quality of life when I leave more intentional spiritual meditation time in my life.

To TV or not TV

On weeknights when I come home (which is usually around 9pm or 10pm), the updates of my friends on Facebook and Twitter make me feel two things, and those two things contradict each other. I guess this is the proof of my struggle with balancing emotions!

Numero 1) I resent the fact that I'm too busy/involved watch tv. I want to be lazy and relax just like everyone else!!

Numero 2) When I come home from spending precious time with my best friends/leading a weekly biblestudy/babysitting for free for another small group/investing in friendships, I inevitably log onto facebook or twitter and about 80% of the updates are regarding the shows of the night. I can't help but puff myself up and congratulate myself on how I'm not wasting my life away in front of the tube.

Yikes, my judgmental and conceited attitude really came through in that last one. Honesty--yeesh!

Well, my back-and-forth battle with these two thoughts has continued in the last couple weeks. While I don't think there is anything wrong with a night at home to "veg out," I definitely think that you can relax just as much with one or two friends over. Then at least you're "vegging out" in community. Controversy, if you are out of the house and just too busy to sit still, make sure you don't become so self-righteous and judgmental that you alienating people.

Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned."

Bad news

Remember the story of the prophet Samuel when he had to go deliver bad news to King Saul? Saul had disobeyed God and Samuel had to go tell him that God was unhappy with him. I'm sure Samuel was not looking forward to that conversation.

What about the story of Jonah: God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah and preach against the city for their wickedness. I'm not sure anyone can blame Jonah for wanting to flee, even to the belly of a whale.

I delivered bad news today. And it sucked.

Most of us can remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we've been given bad news. I remember sitting in the dingy McDonalds table as a young teenager when my parents told us that my grandpa had died. When I first learned of the plane crashes on September 11, 2001, I was in my pajamas, in the family room with my mom. Well now I feel like I'm the person that will be included in the memory of those who I had to tell about Tracie today...and it's not a memory that I want to be a part of.

Here is another strange thought. As a Christian, I have GOOD NEWS for everyone - Jesus Christ, is the Son of the One True God, and He came to earth as a human to take the punishment of our sin (death). But He conquered death and offers everyone access to eternal life by simply accepting His forgiveness and acknowledging Him as God. So my strange thought is this, for good news to be considered good, doesn't it need to be compared to bad news?

Basically what I'm getting at is that, even in the midst of bad news and bad days, God can work, God is there, He is all around, and He has good news.

From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry."

Jonah 2:1-2

All Around by The Glorious Unseen

When my world is caving in

When my hopes are wearing thin

When I’m choking in my sin -

Lord, you meet me here

When all around is crashing down,

I find myself alive in you

Holy one, renew

When all around is crashing down,

I find my spirit crying out

Holy one, consume

When I listen to the fear

When I feel my end is near

When all hope has disappeared -

Lord, you meet me here

Will you pour out again?

God of mercy, here I am reaching out to you-

Reaching out for a breakthrough

Father, hear my cry of desperation once again

I look into your eyes - and know a love that has no end

1 John 4:16a, NIV

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

I just read the obituary of one of my friends. I haven' t ever done that before. My heart is confused and torn between feeling hurt and feeling sad. Suicide is perplexing and leaves a lot of unanswered questions.

Because Tracie and I have lost touch in the last couple of years, our interaction was limited to the odd facebook chat every few months. Perhaps that is what makes this even more weird. A huge part of my time in highschool was spent with Tracie: church on Sunday nights, Awana program on Mondays and Thursdays, homeschool classes, and social events most weekends. This is where it's weird. I almost feel like I shouldn't hurt so much because we weren't close anymore. But that's really the opposite of what the situation is.

Because we weren't close anymore, and now I hear that she's gone, all I want to is call her and see how she's doing. I want to call and ask her what was going on that made her choose to end it all. Mostly, I want the chance to have my friend back.

I sat at home this morning and looked through old photos of Tracie and I from highschool. I felt like I needed to sit at home in quiet and reflect on her life with respect. I don't want to move on from this day or this week with any resentment or bitterness. The confusion will probably linger, that's what suicide does, but I want to respect Tracie's life and speak kindly of the person she was.

One of my best friends just went through these same emotions when a friend of hers took his own life. She has a much better way of communicating emotions than I, here are the words she shared with me today:

we loved them. and now they're gone. and we don't know why. and we never will. i think whats really cruel about suicide is that it robs the person of their identity. and it labels them. and people hear they "committed suicide" and the person they make up in their head isn't who the person was. they were someones child. someones brother or sister. someones best friend. they were someone. and for us who are left behind, i think we just have to chose to remember them, as the person they were. before suicide. before life became too hard. and we miss them. but mostly, we remember. and we live. and we chose to let their lives mean something.

Extremists

"One of the most disturbing things about Church history is the Church's appalling track record of being on the wrong side of the great social issues of the day." - Richard Stearns, The Hole in our Gospel

This quote is the first sentence in the chapter titled "AWOL for the greatest humanitarian crisis of all time." Richard Stearns' main point is that the Church can no longer attempt to function as a G-rated ministry when we live in an R-rated world.

It's no secret that I grew up in a sheltered environment--and I have no regrets about it. You can credit this decision to the fact that my parents were protective, that we were homeschooled in order to base our education on scripture, or that our family wanted our foundation to be firmly rooted in God before our exposure to the world. Any of those reasons are valid and, I repeat, I don't regret it.

But to state the obvious, I'm grown now and can no longer chose to be sheltered from the world. It won't work and it's not what we're commanded to do as warriors for Christ. "Be in the world but not of it." I appreciate my academic education and my social education, both have helped bring me to think and discuss issues that are vital to our society. I can't hide, and I don't want to look back one day and realize that my lack of research or willingness to see each side of an issue resulted in me being on "the wrong side."

So I'm trying not to ignore or disengage from the important social issues. I am trying to watch the news, read different opinions, and just participate in this R-rated world.

You've got mail... actual mail!

Last night when I got home I was pleasantly surprised (to say the least) to see a brown package on my bed - mail, I mean, real mail! Something about real mail still makes me giddy (even when I know what it is!).

The small brown package I received last night was even more special to me than other things I've received in the post lately. Inside was my very first book to review from Thomas Nelson Publishers. Yes, I now review books! It might not seem significant to anyone but myself, but let me tell you why this is a big deal to me.

Since my introduction to the Twitterverse a month ago, I have had the privilege of following so many talented writers, pastors, bloggers, worship leaders. To be honest, it has made me feel a combination of inadequacy and admiration. The admiration trumps the negativity and I am motivated to embrace my curiosity about writing. Is it for me?

Part of this process toward discovery will be to (a) continue this blog, tweaking it when necessary to try a different thought or style and (b) read and review more content by other authors.

I was ecstatic to realize that I could review books for Thomas Nelson. I signed up and was approved. I selected a book. It came in the mail a week later. Now I need to read it, review it, post the review, then choose another book. It seems like such a good fit for me! I am eager to begin... as soon as I can find the time...

Psalm 143:8a, The Message

If you wake me each morning with the sound of your loving voice,
I'll go to sleep each night trusting in you.

I know that I just used this verse, but I wanted to use it again! I had to adjust my monthly "sacrifice" because I was oversleeping almost everyday! So, now I am waking up to the TV but I'm still not falling asleep watching it. I feel okay about it since I'm not really watching the TV in the morning, it simply helps my brain arise from the depths of slumber.

What I really want to spend my free time and evening time doing is reading. It's a little hard because I have a large stack of books looming in my face that I am required to read for one reason or another. Sometimes that takes the fun out of it, you know, when it's an assignment. Anyway, I'm working hard to schedule more time in my day for reading.

What else in my life is a requirement and, thus, makes me resent it? An activity that I would otherwise enjoy? Let's not rob ourselves of joy and make our "requirements" become such "obligations." Especially when it comes to our spiritual responsibilities.

Psalm 143:8, New Living Translation

Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.

Thank you Lord for a day off! A day to appreciate You and settle down and relax. Turn everything over to you. Stop the stress. Thank You for Your unfailing love each day. I pray that today and all days from here on out I give myself to You and follow Your hand as You lead me and show me where to go. I love You!

Footwashing India

Since the summer is officially over (hello labor day, goodbye white pants and shoes!), and now the countdown has begun for my November 19 departure for India. 73 days!

If you'll remember from my June 2 post, God just dropped this opportunity into my lap from the sky. Also, instead of doing the usual of sending out fundraising letters, I'm praying for the funds and letting the Lord provide. So far, people have responded and blessed me beyond my imagination by providing $1700 of my needed $2500! I'm so encouraged and humbled by the prayer and financial support I'm receiving.

If you're interested in knowing more about the trip, here is a promotional video: Footwashing India

I am honored to be a part of this upcoming trip to India. Thanks for your help.

Proverbs 13:3, The Message

Careful words make for a careful life;
careless talk may ruin everything.

If you know me well, you'll know that I have quickly moved from the faithful Facebook to the trendy Twitter. Take heed of what I say next, I feel it is wise and profound.

I use Facebook for information. (600 friends, mostly people I never see or talk to)
I use Twitter for information. (following 140+, mostly Christian authors/artist whom I don't know)

The information I get on Facebook, for the most part, serves no redeeming purpose.
The resources and encouragement I get on Twitter have been huge blessings the last two weeks.

I realize that Facebook is a weak area for me spiritually. As a self-proclaimed Christ-follower, I want to live more like Christ. And gossip is not Christ-like. Yes, Facebook feeds my gossip and I want it to stop. Having spent hours of clicking on page to profile on Facebook, I only really gain new information to gossip about. "Did you see that so-and-so had a baby?" "I can't believe whats-her-name wore that outfit and was with that guy!"

I'm not saying that Twitter is the saint of social media! On the contrary, I have to intentionally resist the urge to follow the popular and entertaining celebrities as that would feed celebrity gossip and I don't want to be know for my pop culture trivia. I want to be know for my heart for the Lord and my endurance through life to become more like Christ.

I have found hope from pastors I follow on Twitter - some "big names" and some very unknown. I am motivated and encouraged by the authors/writers/artists I follow as I sense their quest for authenticity and "realness" in our culture. I am learning from their work and from their words. I sense a bond with fellow Christians in the trenches of this temporary world as we share and re-tweet each others prayer requests and selected verses for the day. It's truly been such a positive social media experience that I wanted to share about it with you.

It might look different for you than it did for me, but what time-consuming activity are you engaging that has no redeeming value and takes you further away from Godly pursuits?

Psalm 34:11, NIV

"Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD."

When I lived in Ireland, retreats were a priority for the entire staff. Since we were all working in full-time ministry, the need for rest, silence, encouragement, and spiritual nourishment were never ignored. Why do we forsake this need in our lives today?

Maybe I'm wrong and you are good at scheduling yourself frequent get-a-ways that are based around a spiritual retreat concept - but I have a feeling that you're not. I know this because it's an American mindset that we all either have to (a) work continuously to get where we want to be with what we want to have and stopping will only prolong the life we have to have, or (b) we have somehow earned or deserve the right to indulge ourselves with expensive vacations that are filled with activity and, ultimately, hardly relaxing.

This is so backwards, especially for Christians! I believe a spiritual retreat can be no more than a two-hour drive away to sit at a lake and read - or - a "fast" from technology and time of silence so you can hear God. You don't have to physically get away, but you do have to spiritually welcome what God might say - and ask Him to speak.

You might be surprised at the outcome.

I'm excited about my scheduled retreat in two weeks. I'm going to visit some family in Portland and use that time as a break from technology so my spirit can be at ease and clear to hear from the Lord. I feel like He's been speaking very specific things to my heart and it's important to me that I don't pursue them until I can sit in the lap of my Father for a couple days and seek His voice for further confirmation.

Plan a "retreat" for you and God. Let me know what happens.

Snooze Button

As some of you may know, I like to give myself personal challenges. The challenges are random and often nonsensical, often not lasting any longer than a month or 40 days (during Lent). If you're wondering why I do this, the truth is simply that I like trying new things, having temporary sacrifices of things I like, and I get bored. Sadly, not all my "challenges" are spiritual fasts... like I said, I just get bored.

Most recently, I challenged myself to be a vegetarian for the month of August. I gave up all meat, fish, and poultry for 31 days. It was difficult but I did benefit from the education I had to acquire in order to maintain a reasonably healthy meat-free lifestyle. I believe that with more work (and money, haha) I would be able to continue a meat-free existence. But not now. Bring on the bacon! :-)

When contemplating what challenge I should experiment for September (yes, apparently I'm bored again), one of my friends said that she once gave up the snooze button.

I wonder if you have the same puzzled look on your face right now that I did when she said this.

I asked her, "why would you give up the snooze button? How could you benefit from eliminating your secondary alarm?!"

Because she is a very wise young woman, she responded with something along the lines of: "I realized that if I need to wake up at six, I should be waking up at six instead of setting my alarm for 5:30 and hitting the snooze button for 30 minutes. In reality, I can discipline myself to wake up on time - the first time my alarm goes off. Besides that, what other areas in my life am I hitting the proverbial 'snooze button?' I don't want to become lazy."

Her words hit home.

I realized that, in many ways, I'm a "spiritual snoozer." I procrastinate my tithing, my good intentions of service, prayer, and of proving myself as a workman for the Lord. I do this almost daily. Isn't it time that I challenge myself to give up the snooze?

Hebrews 6:12 says: "We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."

So my September challenge is to begin quitting my nightly habit of falling asleep watching television and also my morning habit of waking up to the television. This will get me on my way to hearing my alarm the first time and not waiting around for my second and third alarms to go off. Let's be efficient in our habits and eager to serve the Lord each day!