Insecurities

Bleh. I hate insecurities. I suppose they remind me that I am human and not an infallible being. You might not realize how much this blog is an insecurity for me. It's all my secrets and thoughts and dreams submitted to cyberspace for anyone to read. Yikes! Half the time, when or if I go back and read past posts, I want to delete them because I read it and think "that was stupid - why did I write that?". But I don't delete them. (I can't say the same for some of my facebook statuses or tweets though, haha!)

Whoever reads this, thank you for not telling me that what I write is ridiculous. I don't want false compliments, but I am really insecure about my writing - even though I love to write and think that it will remain a big part of my life for years to come. And, strangely enough, I'm not sure that I want to overcome this insecurity. It keeps me humble and keeps me authentic with what I write.

But I still hate insecurities. Raw emotions of any kind usually overwhelm and intimidate me. Goodness knows I'm going to be a mess one day when I fall in love. Ick!

In the meantime, I'm going to try and remain emotionally healthy, even if it means acknowledging certain insecurities that are here to stay. I'm going to remember that God never changes and in God alone I can be confident.

Lamentations 3:19-24, The Message

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.

I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—

the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there's one other thing I remember,

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,

his merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.