Hitting the Wall

During my visit to New York City two weeks ago, I was finally able to sit and watch the "Run Fatboy Run" DVD with my brother--a gift I'd given to him at Christmas.  To me, this was a perfect afternoon since two of my favorite things are watching movies and spending quality time with the people I love.

If you haven't seen it, this film is full of laughs and surprisingly significant truths about love, commitment, and responsibility.  The main character, Dennis, attempts to complete something for the first time in his life in order to prove to his ex-fiancé that he isn't a total loser.  Not one to think things through, he boasts that he will run and complete a marathon with only a few weeks to prepare.  Without giving you a complete summary, and trying to avoid spoilers, I want to share with you what I consider one of the most poignant and thought-provoking scenes in the movie.

It's hours into the race and Dennis is moving at the slowest possible pace.  It's dark outside and although he has a group of supporters walking behind him, he's alone.  At that moment, his body slams against something and comes to a complete stop.  Although no one else can see it, Dennis looks up and down, side to side, and can see nothing but a giant brick wall.  As another runner had warned him, he had indeed "hit the wall."

You'll have to watch the movie yourself to see what happens (even though it's killing me not to tell you...it's seriously the best scene!).  I found myself replaying this two-minute scene in my head today while I was at work and mulling over why this scene is on my mind. 

I'm not a runner, but I've exercised enough and been on enough physically-challenging adventures to know what that "hitting the wall" moment feels like.  But in a figurative sense, I currently feel as though I'm having a "hitting the wall" moment in life.  I feel like I've been staring at the ground and simply concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other for a couple years.  Work.  Church.  Travel.  Saving.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  Now, all of a sudden, I've hit an invisible wall that took my breath away.  I find myself looking around and trying to see what it is that is stopping me. 

Have I really hit a wall?  Is this it for me--this boring cycle of going through life?  I've been faithful to a routine this whole time...but for what?  Why did this wall have to appear at all?!  I was making it by simply sticking with my little path.

Now I wonder how to proceed.  I could turn around and accept my mediocrity, my failure to bust through this obstacle...I see people do it often enough that I can find myself making this option seem the "normal" and comfortable thing to do.  OR, I can back up, get a good start, and bust through that wall!  Perhaps that's why the wall appeared in the first place.  Perhaps I needed to restart my journey with renewed vision--with my eyes looking ahead instead of down at my feet.

I know I'm not talking specifics, but that's because I'm not even sure what the specifics are.  I'm pondering this "wall" moment in my life and praying about what it signifies.  I think I have an idea of what it means, but, for now, I'm keeping that to myself.  All I know is that I don't consider it an option to turn around and walk away from this wall.  With God's help, I'm going to continue moving forward, no matter how unfamiliar or painful it will be.