Just one day
That's all I want.
Just twenty-four hours
without wondering what comes next
or what on earth I'm doing.
Because I'm here, it's my home.
Like it or loathe it.
To dream every single day is exhausting.
Just one day, is it so much to ask?
I see others without such woe
No pursuit of destiny.
Blind to the colors yet to be discovered.
and oh how I long for that freedom!
Because along with yearning comes doubt.
What if? What if? What if?
Make. It. Stop.
But yet I am a dreamer
and I pray I continue to be.
No illusions that "this is it."
I know my heart is calling me beyond that.
Helpless as it makes me,
no life could be better
than one that seeks significance
and definition in Him who created my dreams.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Breaking Habits
I've been doing a Biggest Loser competition at work since January. Although the competition only lasts for 12 weeks, we "piggy-back" one competition onto the next so that the last week of one is also the first week of the next. July began my third consecutive season. What was I thinking?!
I've known for quite some time that I needed to lose weight. But it's remarkable how long you can simply acknowledge that fact about yourself and DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. Well, thanks to good ol' holiday photographs, I was faced with the reality of my situation in a highly motivating way. Thus, when the competition started in January, I joined with enthusiasm.
Now, rather than resorting to the extremes of a crash diet, or flush of my system, or unrealistic workout regime--I determined to simply try and change my habits. I gave up desserts and sweets (boo!) as well as alcohol (double boo!) and did my best to "be more active." The first three months (January - March), I did great and lost about 10lbs. I even placed 3rd in the competition! The second three months (April - June) were a little more up and down and in the end I only lost 3lbs. I'm feeling motivated again (why can't it be a permanent state?) and hoping that July through September show more progress. Here is my weight log thus far--I'm glad that I'm below the "trend":
All this was to say that I'm learning a lot through the Biggest Loser about breaking habits. I've heard people say that it takes at least 30 days of doing something for it to become a habit. I wonder what the measure is for breaking a habit? My experience throughout the Biggest Loser is that it takes much longer to BREAK a habit than it does to form a new one. Wouldn't you agree?
Since a lot of "bad" habits are things that bring us pleasure (like eating chocolate, for me), when we try to get rid of them we know exactly what we are missing. No wonder it's a struggle to change. And if my bad habit is not exercising, boy I am going to feel the agony of getting muscles into shape after being inactive! If my bad habit is staying up late (ahem, like tonight), then I'm going to feel like I'm missing out if I go to bed early.
A friend once told me - the easiest way to lose weight is to never gain it. SO TRUE. And true with physical activity too; the easiest way to stay in shape is to remain active. I wonder why we focus so much on changing bad habits instead of preventing bad habits from ever forming? Obviously, we're prone to "bad" habits and have to change, but I believe more steps can and should be taken to proactively counteract bad habits from forming by concentrating on good habits.
I believe there is a spiritual parallel here too - do you see it? What does it look like in your life right now? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and on good/bad habits--even weight loss!
Thanks for reading.
I've known for quite some time that I needed to lose weight. But it's remarkable how long you can simply acknowledge that fact about yourself and DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. Well, thanks to good ol' holiday photographs, I was faced with the reality of my situation in a highly motivating way. Thus, when the competition started in January, I joined with enthusiasm.
Now, rather than resorting to the extremes of a crash diet, or flush of my system, or unrealistic workout regime--I determined to simply try and change my habits. I gave up desserts and sweets (boo!) as well as alcohol (double boo!) and did my best to "be more active." The first three months (January - March), I did great and lost about 10lbs. I even placed 3rd in the competition! The second three months (April - June) were a little more up and down and in the end I only lost 3lbs. I'm feeling motivated again (why can't it be a permanent state?) and hoping that July through September show more progress. Here is my weight log thus far--I'm glad that I'm below the "trend":
Since a lot of "bad" habits are things that bring us pleasure (like eating chocolate, for me), when we try to get rid of them we know exactly what we are missing. No wonder it's a struggle to change. And if my bad habit is not exercising, boy I am going to feel the agony of getting muscles into shape after being inactive! If my bad habit is staying up late (ahem, like tonight), then I'm going to feel like I'm missing out if I go to bed early.
A friend once told me - the easiest way to lose weight is to never gain it. SO TRUE. And true with physical activity too; the easiest way to stay in shape is to remain active. I wonder why we focus so much on changing bad habits instead of preventing bad habits from ever forming? Obviously, we're prone to "bad" habits and have to change, but I believe more steps can and should be taken to proactively counteract bad habits from forming by concentrating on good habits.
I believe there is a spiritual parallel here too - do you see it? What does it look like in your life right now? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, and on good/bad habits--even weight loss!
Thanks for reading.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Fellowship Metro
When I moved from Belfast, Northern Ireland back to Dallas, Texas, I went through a rough transition. While my friends, family, and new coworkers were great, one of the things that helped me the most was a Sunday night church service called Fellowship Metro (part of Fellowship Bible Church Dallas).
I happened upon Metro on my second Sunday of visiting churches after moving from my parents house in Plano to my own apartment in Dallas--and I never left! My first time to Metro was only the second week that this community had met so it was comforting that I was just as new as everyone else. In addition, Metro operates under the tagline "a community on mission," and since I was just coming from the literal mission field this mission statement resonated with me.
For over two and a half years I have been a part of the community at Fellowship Metro. From helping with refugee outreach events, to planning a womens retreat, to being a part of small groups, to helping with announcements, to running the twitter account, to leading a womens small group for 18 months, to seeing people get married or have babies or move away, to helping women get counseled, to creating prayer/worship services, to providing childcare for a married small group every week---the list goes on and on. I loved it all! Ultimately, my friends at Metro became my family and allowed me to be myself and helped me process my daily struggle of being authentic and finding out how I'm supposed to live on mission in Dallas while working from a cubicle.
Last night was the last Fellowship Metro. The church saw that the need for this "next generation" Sunday night service wasn't there anymore; Metro had served its purpose in that way. Two of the Metro Pastors are being lead to start a new campus plant of Fellowship Dallas and a new mid-week young adult ministry. I'm so excited about how God is leading these opportunities out of the mission of Fellowship Metro.
On that same note, this transition out of Metro comes at the same time that I feel (again) as though I am in a personal transition. My leadership break from Metro the last six months showed me that God was the ONLY thing that made any of the good things possible in the last two and a half years. It was a good lesson for me to learn. Now that my heart feels more humbled, I'm eager to see what ministry God would have me get involved with again.
I was offered an opportunity with a ministry, but my heart is feeling led a different direction. It's exciting to think about doing something new and on my own. So I'm going to continue praying about this new idea/passion that is building within me--I don't want to do it without knowing God is behind it. But I'm excited about the future and thankful that everything I've learned from the Metro community has undoubtedly prepared me for whatever comes next.
I happened upon Metro on my second Sunday of visiting churches after moving from my parents house in Plano to my own apartment in Dallas--and I never left! My first time to Metro was only the second week that this community had met so it was comforting that I was just as new as everyone else. In addition, Metro operates under the tagline "a community on mission," and since I was just coming from the literal mission field this mission statement resonated with me.
For over two and a half years I have been a part of the community at Fellowship Metro. From helping with refugee outreach events, to planning a womens retreat, to being a part of small groups, to helping with announcements, to running the twitter account, to leading a womens small group for 18 months, to seeing people get married or have babies or move away, to helping women get counseled, to creating prayer/worship services, to providing childcare for a married small group every week---the list goes on and on. I loved it all! Ultimately, my friends at Metro became my family and allowed me to be myself and helped me process my daily struggle of being authentic and finding out how I'm supposed to live on mission in Dallas while working from a cubicle.
Last night was the last Fellowship Metro. The church saw that the need for this "next generation" Sunday night service wasn't there anymore; Metro had served its purpose in that way. Two of the Metro Pastors are being lead to start a new campus plant of Fellowship Dallas and a new mid-week young adult ministry. I'm so excited about how God is leading these opportunities out of the mission of Fellowship Metro.
On that same note, this transition out of Metro comes at the same time that I feel (again) as though I am in a personal transition. My leadership break from Metro the last six months showed me that God was the ONLY thing that made any of the good things possible in the last two and a half years. It was a good lesson for me to learn. Now that my heart feels more humbled, I'm eager to see what ministry God would have me get involved with again.
I was offered an opportunity with a ministry, but my heart is feeling led a different direction. It's exciting to think about doing something new and on my own. So I'm going to continue praying about this new idea/passion that is building within me--I don't want to do it without knowing God is behind it. But I'm excited about the future and thankful that everything I've learned from the Metro community has undoubtedly prepared me for whatever comes next.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Social Networking Dilemma
I like certain aspects of Twitter and Facebook, but not all of them. For instance, if I find myself caring too much, I get emotionally exhausted by worrying that something I post will be too dull, too religious, too boastful, too cheesy, too pathetic, or even offensive. Almost every day I find myself wishing that I could have separate accounts for my job, my spiritual thoughts, my peers, and younger/older generations. I think that would make life easier. Is anyone else with me on this?
Yet, once again, my quest for authenticity demands that I not separate my life into categories. I can’t simply one facet of myself without also being all the rest at the same time. That’d be like ___(insert obvious and profound parallel here)___.
So in this great social networking battle that I find myself in, I’ve decided that I just need to be 100% me, 100% of the time. (Regardless of whether or not I’ll get a judgmental comment or lose a few followers.)
Besides, if honesty is always the best policy—so why am I fretting over this? Note to self: get a grip!
Yet, once again, my quest for authenticity demands that I not separate my life into categories. I can’t simply one facet of myself without also being all the rest at the same time. That’d be like ___(insert obvious and profound parallel here)___.
So in this great social networking battle that I find myself in, I’ve decided that I just need to be 100% me, 100% of the time. (Regardless of whether or not I’ll get a judgmental comment or lose a few followers.)
Besides, if honesty is always the best policy—so why am I fretting over this? Note to self: get a grip!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Civilized and Uncivilized
When I received an e-mail from a coworker yesterday afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a link to an interesting article regarding South African soccer fans. It provided an entertaining diversion for the slowest part of my day, and it also had several "stand out" statements that provoked my thoughts toward the Christ-follower's life.
In a nutshell, a South African man (Maurice Meyer) and his wife decided to swim both ways across a crocodile-infested river in order to win VIP World Cup tickets from a radio DJ. And get this, the idea was all theirs; the DJ only said someone had to do the "craziest thing." Well, they did it, and they lived to tell about it. The author of this article, Dan Wetzel, writes: "Incredibly, the Meyers did this without a guarantee they’d even win. And they won’t. The radio station considered their feat too dangerous and refused to endorse it." (Read the full article here: The Spirit of South Africa.)
There's a big part of me that is a thrill seeker and that's one of the reasons why I love following Christ--it's thrilling and risky and dangerous and difficult...and FUN! What word, other than thrilling, could you use to describe putting your faith in an "unseen" God, trusting Him alone for your safety, and choosing to live more for Him than you do yourself?!
Thus, can you see why the words of Dan Wetzel in reference to South Africa and its people reminded me so much of my life as a Christ-follower? Just read some of his words and my thoughts about them below:
"It’s a raw, wild place that, at the same time, embraces a fun-loving side. And it’s full of men and women who figure taunting crocodiles is a rush. It’s both civilized and uncivilized at the exact same time – a mix that often works perfectly." -- Living as a Christian has given me countless "uncivilized" moments where I witness the reactions of shock as I tell others Who I live my life for. I am familiar with the rush of adrenaline that comes at those moments too. Moments where you choose to take a leap into the potentially dangerous waters of controversy and raw honesty. There are the moments that defy the "civilized" code of not talking about religion and politics.
"The jokes are the best part of South Africa. Everyone is a comedian here. Life isn’t simple in this country. It’s not really first world and parts are certainly third. Nothing surprises anyone, apparently." -- A more recent lesson that I've learned as a Christ-follower is that I have to have a sense of humor about life and religion. Too many people get offended too easily or are surprised by something that is very normal, very human. So I'm continually realizing that we need comedic relief and we need to laugh at ourselves--I don't think Jesus is serious 100% of the time and we shouldn't be either.
"So in a place where the earth burning doesn’t cause a second glance and the political, social and economic structure is under such intense strain, importance is still placed on enjoying every moment, of challenging yourself and others." -- As a Christ-follower, I know that we're doomed as humans but that Christ brings us hope. Therefore, I want to put importance on the relationships in my life and the actions I can take to improve my area of influence with the time I have here on earth. We all need each other and we all need to challenge each other to be better lovers, dreamers, and representatives of Christ until He calls us home.
Well that's enough from me. It's time to get more interactive. What do you think? Did you read the article and see something else that I missed? I hope you share because I'd really like to know.
In a nutshell, a South African man (Maurice Meyer) and his wife decided to swim both ways across a crocodile-infested river in order to win VIP World Cup tickets from a radio DJ. And get this, the idea was all theirs; the DJ only said someone had to do the "craziest thing." Well, they did it, and they lived to tell about it. The author of this article, Dan Wetzel, writes: "Incredibly, the Meyers did this without a guarantee they’d even win. And they won’t. The radio station considered their feat too dangerous and refused to endorse it." (Read the full article here: The Spirit of South Africa.)
There's a big part of me that is a thrill seeker and that's one of the reasons why I love following Christ--it's thrilling and risky and dangerous and difficult...and FUN! What word, other than thrilling, could you use to describe putting your faith in an "unseen" God, trusting Him alone for your safety, and choosing to live more for Him than you do yourself?!
Thus, can you see why the words of Dan Wetzel in reference to South Africa and its people reminded me so much of my life as a Christ-follower? Just read some of his words and my thoughts about them below:
"It’s a raw, wild place that, at the same time, embraces a fun-loving side. And it’s full of men and women who figure taunting crocodiles is a rush. It’s both civilized and uncivilized at the exact same time – a mix that often works perfectly." -- Living as a Christian has given me countless "uncivilized" moments where I witness the reactions of shock as I tell others Who I live my life for. I am familiar with the rush of adrenaline that comes at those moments too. Moments where you choose to take a leap into the potentially dangerous waters of controversy and raw honesty. There are the moments that defy the "civilized" code of not talking about religion and politics.
"The jokes are the best part of South Africa. Everyone is a comedian here. Life isn’t simple in this country. It’s not really first world and parts are certainly third. Nothing surprises anyone, apparently." -- A more recent lesson that I've learned as a Christ-follower is that I have to have a sense of humor about life and religion. Too many people get offended too easily or are surprised by something that is very normal, very human. So I'm continually realizing that we need comedic relief and we need to laugh at ourselves--I don't think Jesus is serious 100% of the time and we shouldn't be either.
"So in a place where the earth burning doesn’t cause a second glance and the political, social and economic structure is under such intense strain, importance is still placed on enjoying every moment, of challenging yourself and others." -- As a Christ-follower, I know that we're doomed as humans but that Christ brings us hope. Therefore, I want to put importance on the relationships in my life and the actions I can take to improve my area of influence with the time I have here on earth. We all need each other and we all need to challenge each other to be better lovers, dreamers, and representatives of Christ until He calls us home.
Well that's enough from me. It's time to get more interactive. What do you think? Did you read the article and see something else that I missed? I hope you share because I'd really like to know.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Authentic? Honesty? Honestly...
Its very frustrating for me to ease back into blogging. And I made a list of reasons why.
Reason #1: I've allowed more free time into my life and I like it. Writing takes a long time and sometimes I just want to do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g e-l-s-e rather than sorting through the clutter in my mind and find a profound thought. That takes a lot of work, and time! Besides, I'm a writer 40 hours a week and it seems crazy to leave work just to go home and stare at a computer screen again.
Reason #2: I follow a lot of bloggers on twitter and am subscribed to many blogs in my google reader account--they're good, really good. And they're funny. And they have a lot of regular blog readers and followers. I want to be a "popular" blog, but I'm not. Then I realize that I'm not blogging to be popular, I'm trying to keep a record of what I'm learning...then I get frustrated at my selfish desire for personal fame... and then I really don't want to write anything.
Reason #3: As I look back at previous blogs, and even old journal entries at home, I realize that I'm in an incredibly weird and unexpected place in life--and my spiritual life is so inconsistent that I'm embarrassed to compose a honest narrative for fear of what someone might think of my heart's condition.
Reason #4 (last one, I promise): My blog-writing-style is weird. I don't organize my thoughts beforehand; I simply start writing and let my thoughts unfold as I go. Prone to bounce around from one idea to the next before you can even sniff, I know how sporadic my posts are. I've gone back through my old posts before and been completely bewildered as to what I was trying to say. So I ask myself, why don't I change my style to be more interactive? More conversational? More logical? That's what the "cool" bloggers are doing. Am I even a good writer?!? (Rhetorical question!!!) Oh well, this is me. Maybe if I could make a living out of writing on a blog or working on a book I would learn how to communicate my thoughts and ideas better while still keeping my personal writing style.
SUMMARY: I feel very vulnerable with this blog, so I sometimes avoid it. Honesty is hard. And, in my mind, it's the same as authenticity. And since I've declared "authentic" as my goal in life (and have my tattoo as a daily reminder...stupid tattoo...), I have to do this...no matter how unpopular, revealing, or unorganized it might be.
Now that I've composed a pathetic list of reasons why blogging again is so hard for me, I'm going to share something that was encouraging to me and helped motivate me to come here (Starbucks) directly after work today to write.
In the last two days, two "cool" bloggers have written on the topic of honesty. Since I was obviously pondering the same thing this week, I feel as though the Lord affirmed my feelings by letting me see that other writers feel the same way as me about writing honestly.
Just read some of their thoughts below--can you see how they would resonate with me? They seem exactly the same as how I'm feeling...and they can obviously articulate that better than I can.
"And honestly, I think it’s been difficult to write because I’m trying to be honest."
"While I desire to be honest about how I see and understand God or what I believe to be true about Jesus, grace, hope, spirituality, sometimes it’s just not worth it. Sometimes, from my perspective, “honesty” makes life/writing more difficult."
"In our churches and neighborhoods and politics, we uphold honesty as an ideal. Authenticity is key. Integrity is preached. As Christians, we're supposed to aspire to these things...But sometimes I wonder what society would look like if all of us were brutally honest all the time. We might have clear consciences and satisfied intellects. But would we have any friends? Would we live in chaos? I don't know. I aspire to personal transparency just like anyone else. But I wonder if we could really handle heavy doses of it."
This is an abrupt ending -- but I can't think of anything else to say. Thanks for reading.
Reason #1: I've allowed more free time into my life and I like it. Writing takes a long time and sometimes I just want to do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g e-l-s-e rather than sorting through the clutter in my mind and find a profound thought. That takes a lot of work, and time! Besides, I'm a writer 40 hours a week and it seems crazy to leave work just to go home and stare at a computer screen again.
Reason #2: I follow a lot of bloggers on twitter and am subscribed to many blogs in my google reader account--they're good, really good. And they're funny. And they have a lot of regular blog readers and followers. I want to be a "popular" blog, but I'm not. Then I realize that I'm not blogging to be popular, I'm trying to keep a record of what I'm learning...then I get frustrated at my selfish desire for personal fame... and then I really don't want to write anything.
Reason #3: As I look back at previous blogs, and even old journal entries at home, I realize that I'm in an incredibly weird and unexpected place in life--and my spiritual life is so inconsistent that I'm embarrassed to compose a honest narrative for fear of what someone might think of my heart's condition.
Reason #4 (last one, I promise): My blog-writing-style is weird. I don't organize my thoughts beforehand; I simply start writing and let my thoughts unfold as I go. Prone to bounce around from one idea to the next before you can even sniff, I know how sporadic my posts are. I've gone back through my old posts before and been completely bewildered as to what I was trying to say. So I ask myself, why don't I change my style to be more interactive? More conversational? More logical? That's what the "cool" bloggers are doing. Am I even a good writer?!? (Rhetorical question!!!) Oh well, this is me. Maybe if I could make a living out of writing on a blog or working on a book I would learn how to communicate my thoughts and ideas better while still keeping my personal writing style.
SUMMARY: I feel very vulnerable with this blog, so I sometimes avoid it. Honesty is hard. And, in my mind, it's the same as authenticity. And since I've declared "authentic" as my goal in life (and have my tattoo as a daily reminder...stupid tattoo...), I have to do this...no matter how unpopular, revealing, or unorganized it might be.
Now that I've composed a pathetic list of reasons why blogging again is so hard for me, I'm going to share something that was encouraging to me and helped motivate me to come here (Starbucks) directly after work today to write.
In the last two days, two "cool" bloggers have written on the topic of honesty. Since I was obviously pondering the same thing this week, I feel as though the Lord affirmed my feelings by letting me see that other writers feel the same way as me about writing honestly.
Just read some of their thoughts below--can you see how they would resonate with me? They seem exactly the same as how I'm feeling...and they can obviously articulate that better than I can.
"And honestly, I think it’s been difficult to write because I’m trying to be honest."
"While I desire to be honest about how I see and understand God or what I believe to be true about Jesus, grace, hope, spirituality, sometimes it’s just not worth it. Sometimes, from my perspective, “honesty” makes life/writing more difficult."
"In our churches and neighborhoods and politics, we uphold honesty as an ideal. Authenticity is key. Integrity is preached. As Christians, we're supposed to aspire to these things...But sometimes I wonder what society would look like if all of us were brutally honest all the time. We might have clear consciences and satisfied intellects. But would we have any friends? Would we live in chaos? I don't know. I aspire to personal transparency just like anyone else. But I wonder if we could really handle heavy doses of it."
This is an abrupt ending -- but I can't think of anything else to say. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Redheaded Heroes
Last December I finally did it. I dyed my hair red! It might have seemed impulsive and crazy, but I've always wanted red hair. And I have no regrets about doing it! Look how FUN it is!
Besides, I can now *un*officially join my list of "redheaded heroes":
Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables
Pippi Longstocking
Lucy Ricardo from I Love Lucy
Dolly Levi (Barbra Streisand) from Hello Dolly
Ariel from the Little Mermaid
Little Orphan Annie
Deborah Kerr (She can SING and she got men like Yule Brenner and Cary Grant!)
AND - just one more I promise - my very first "big purchase" as a kid: Felicity the American girl doll:
Let's face it -- red hair typically goes with someone a little quirky, mighty fiesty, and a lot of fun. I'd say it suits me just right! (And I've always liked a little extra attention...)
Besides, I can now *un*officially join my list of "redheaded heroes":
Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables
Pippi Longstocking
Lucy Ricardo from I Love Lucy
Dolly Levi (Barbra Streisand) from Hello Dolly
Ariel from the Little Mermaid
Little Orphan Annie
Deborah Kerr (She can SING and she got men like Yule Brenner and Cary Grant!)
Sydney Bristow from ALIAS (ell, she wasn't always a redhead, but she was always awesome)
AND - just one more I promise - my very first "big purchase" as a kid: Felicity the American girl doll:
Let's face it -- red hair typically goes with someone a little quirky, mighty fiesty, and a lot of fun. I'd say it suits me just right! (And I've always liked a little extra attention...)
Hitting the Wall
During my visit to New York City two weeks ago, I was finally able to sit and watch the "Run Fatboy Run" DVD with my brother--a gift I'd given to him at Christmas. To me, this was a perfect afternoon since two of my favorite things are watching movies and spending quality time with the people I love.
If you haven't seen it, this film is full of laughs and surprisingly significant truths about love, commitment, and responsibility. The main character, Dennis, attempts to complete something for the first time in his life in order to prove to his ex-fiancé that he isn't a total loser. Not one to think things through, he boasts that he will run and complete a marathon with only a few weeks to prepare. Without giving you a complete summary, and trying to avoid spoilers, I want to share with you what I consider one of the most poignant and thought-provoking scenes in the movie.
It's hours into the race and Dennis is moving at the slowest possible pace. It's dark outside and although he has a group of supporters walking behind him, he's alone. At that moment, his body slams against something and comes to a complete stop. Although no one else can see it, Dennis looks up and down, side to side, and can see nothing but a giant brick wall. As another runner had warned him, he had indeed "hit the wall."
You'll have to watch the movie yourself to see what happens (even though it's killing me not to tell you...it's seriously the best scene!). I found myself replaying this two-minute scene in my head today while I was at work and mulling over why this scene is on my mind.
I'm not a runner, but I've exercised enough and been on enough physically-challenging adventures to know what that "hitting the wall" moment feels like. But in a figurative sense, I currently feel as though I'm having a "hitting the wall" moment in life. I feel like I've been staring at the ground and simply concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other for a couple years. Work. Church. Travel. Saving. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Now, all of a sudden, I've hit an invisible wall that took my breath away. I find myself looking around and trying to see what it is that is stopping me.
Have I really hit a wall? Is this it for me--this boring cycle of going through life? I've been faithful to a routine this whole time...but for what? Why did this wall have to appear at all?! I was making it by simply sticking with my little path.
Now I wonder how to proceed. I could turn around and accept my mediocrity, my failure to bust through this obstacle...I see people do it often enough that I can find myself making this option seem the "normal" and comfortable thing to do. OR, I can back up, get a good start, and bust through that wall! Perhaps that's why the wall appeared in the first place. Perhaps I needed to restart my journey with renewed vision--with my eyes looking ahead instead of down at my feet.
I know I'm not talking specifics, but that's because I'm not even sure what the specifics are. I'm pondering this "wall" moment in my life and praying about what it signifies. I think I have an idea of what it means, but, for now, I'm keeping that to myself. All I know is that I don't consider it an option to turn around and walk away from this wall. With God's help, I'm going to continue moving forward, no matter how unfamiliar or painful it will be.
If you haven't seen it, this film is full of laughs and surprisingly significant truths about love, commitment, and responsibility. The main character, Dennis, attempts to complete something for the first time in his life in order to prove to his ex-fiancé that he isn't a total loser. Not one to think things through, he boasts that he will run and complete a marathon with only a few weeks to prepare. Without giving you a complete summary, and trying to avoid spoilers, I want to share with you what I consider one of the most poignant and thought-provoking scenes in the movie.
It's hours into the race and Dennis is moving at the slowest possible pace. It's dark outside and although he has a group of supporters walking behind him, he's alone. At that moment, his body slams against something and comes to a complete stop. Although no one else can see it, Dennis looks up and down, side to side, and can see nothing but a giant brick wall. As another runner had warned him, he had indeed "hit the wall."
You'll have to watch the movie yourself to see what happens (even though it's killing me not to tell you...it's seriously the best scene!). I found myself replaying this two-minute scene in my head today while I was at work and mulling over why this scene is on my mind.
I'm not a runner, but I've exercised enough and been on enough physically-challenging adventures to know what that "hitting the wall" moment feels like. But in a figurative sense, I currently feel as though I'm having a "hitting the wall" moment in life. I feel like I've been staring at the ground and simply concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other for a couple years. Work. Church. Travel. Saving. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Now, all of a sudden, I've hit an invisible wall that took my breath away. I find myself looking around and trying to see what it is that is stopping me.
Have I really hit a wall? Is this it for me--this boring cycle of going through life? I've been faithful to a routine this whole time...but for what? Why did this wall have to appear at all?! I was making it by simply sticking with my little path.
Now I wonder how to proceed. I could turn around and accept my mediocrity, my failure to bust through this obstacle...I see people do it often enough that I can find myself making this option seem the "normal" and comfortable thing to do. OR, I can back up, get a good start, and bust through that wall! Perhaps that's why the wall appeared in the first place. Perhaps I needed to restart my journey with renewed vision--with my eyes looking ahead instead of down at my feet.
I know I'm not talking specifics, but that's because I'm not even sure what the specifics are. I'm pondering this "wall" moment in my life and praying about what it signifies. I think I have an idea of what it means, but, for now, I'm keeping that to myself. All I know is that I don't consider it an option to turn around and walk away from this wall. With God's help, I'm going to continue moving forward, no matter how unfamiliar or painful it will be.