India trip Day 6

After sleeping again in our original rooms at the Pee Fifty-One House in New Delhi, we ate a continental breakfast (Indian style) with other guests before leaving to walk to the Truth Seekers Office.  I was unclear about the details of the day ahead of us - it was one of the "plans are subject to change" sort of days. Flexibility is ALWAYS important when doing mission work.

The Truth Seekers staff told us that we were going to drive to a village an hour away from Delhi and minister to the people there.  I loaded up all the snacks, toys, and trinkets that I had left with the hopes that I would be able to give them away to children in the village.  We would be working with an Indian woman named Kanta, she has been a friend of Truth Seekers for a long time and have been involved with social work in villages for 20 years.

Traffic was bad in Delhi (very obvious statement) and at one of the red lights we were stopped at on  the way there we were approached by a eunuch.  Eunuchs are castrated men (natural or forcibly) who dress in female saris and wear lots of makeup as they roam around on the streets and in marketplaces asking for money.  They live in their own communities and are looked down upon even though their blessings or curses are considered to have power.

An hour later we arrived at the village Auchandi.  This was a newer village for Kanta's work.  She knew several believing women in the village but also knew that there were many women, men, and children who weren't believers.  Kanta met us at our vehicles, shook our hands, and spoke english.  We followed here to a large house and sat on blankets, cots, and chairs in a large room with a stone floor.  Women from the village also joined us and it got crowded.  Together we sang both Hindi and English praise songs, drank chai tea, and ate snacks.  I was sitting on a cot with four other women and we were unable to really talk with each other, but I tried regardless.

Next thing you know, the older woman whose house we had been in was escorted the American women in our group to go pray for the families in the village.  The first house we went to had a really sick old woman.  She was in a tiny, dark room in the back of the house.  We picked her up from the cot she was on to a sitting position.  She couldn't really hold herself up because she was was weak.  She looked like she was on the verge of death and we couldn't do anything but pray aloud for her for several minutes before we laid her back down and moved on.  I felt the Holy Spirit moving and I got really emotional.  It continued to be very emotional for me as we walked with Kanta and the women from house to house praying for the women and families.  Not every household had an obvious illness - sometimes we prayed against evil in a home, other times we prayed for food and resources for a poor family.

No one was translating our English prayers to Hindi and tons of women and children stood around and watched each time we prayed.  I got the feeling that we were being viewed as some kind of healers and it was not a feeling I enjoyed.  As I prayed for the hurting and sick in Auchandi, I also prayed that they people there would see God and not us as we ministered to them in His name.

The homes we visited were all concrete buildings that were tall and narrow, most shared walls as they were all lined up along the same street.  Alleys and streets looked the same; cows milling around, children running and playing, doorways to homes every 12 feet or so... It was quaint and cozy and quiet.  At one home, we were ushered to sit on cots and were served little fruits from a tree and a warm-yogurt-type-drink that was super salty - called a lassi (NOT my favorite by any means!).

When we headed back to our hostess' home, we had a few minutes before the food was going to be ready for lunch so we headed to the roof of the home and got the bird's eye view of the village.  Dry cowpies were on almost every rooftop and the neighborhood children shyly waved at us from their roofs.  We handed out all the toys and trinkets to the children that we'd brought and not been able to give away yet.  Most of my  gifts were Southwest Airlines treats - thanks boss!  The kids (and even some adults) were all excited to see what we had for them.

Lunch was served by a team of 10 or more Indians, with three women still cramped in a 5x7ft room (the kitchen) who kept the food coming until we were all stuffed. It was one of the best meals I'd had yet in India!

We prayed with a few more families before loading up into our vehicles again and beginning the long journey back to the city.  All the conversations in my vehicle on the way back seemed to stay in the serious category.  Pranjal shared his testimony with us and Winn opened up to me about his life story.  I still feel immensely blessed to have met such incredible, loving servants of God.

Because of traffic, we went straight from driving to the book release event for Kancha Ilaiah's new book.  He had already written a controversial book entitled "Why I'm Not a Hindu" and this second book is titled "Post-Hindu India."  Kancha is a Truthseeker in terms of fighting against the Caste system and many of the Christians involved with Truthseekers think that he might also follow Christ (he's a Buddhist) or at least have a healthy knowledge and curiosity of God.

At the event, light refreshments were served before everyone was seated in a small auditorium.  Many important political and religious figures were there.  A few white people, our group being the majority (and, once again, standing out a mile).  Sunil told us that it was important that we were - that our very presence made everyone else there perk up and wonder that this issue must be important if so many white people were in attendance.

The media snapped a lot of photos of Kancha, speakers, book reviewers, and those of us in the audience during the two hour event.  I learned so much and purchased both of Kancha's books to read in order to understand more of the issue of Hinduism and the Caste system.

End of Day 5

This is quite a vivid memory of the trip - the only time I really felt in danger - and an interesting story that I wanted to include about the end of day 5.

After our sight seeing in Agra, before we ate dinner on the roof of the hotel, I walked back down the road toward the Taj Mahal with John Kim.  He was going to be my negotiator for exchanging the rest of my money.

We walked briskly, it only took about 10 minutes from our hotel to reach the Taj Mahal gate where all the tourist shops and money changers are set up.  The sun was slowly disappearing and the last of the tourist groups for the day we leaving.  Since we were walking toward the Taj unlike everyone else, all the shop owners were eager to get our attention. I believe I had mentioned earlier about how children and men would crowd around us and try to sell us their ware...well in this situation we received more than double the attention!  I'm glad that John let me loop my arm through his--it definitely felt dangerous.

We walked to two shops asking about their exchange rate, but John wasn't happy with what they were offering.  At this point, every time we left one shop for another, there was a crowd of 10-12 children waiting for us outside.  They were all crowding close and talking loudly, asking us to come to their father's shop.  We pressed on through the crowd of kids and as the sun dipped down a little more as we walked to one final shop.  (I knew it was our final shop because I told John I wanted to leave asap!)

So we finally step into the final shop and all the kids wait outside.  For the record, it's disconcerting when you walk into a narrow shop and the owners close the door behind you, but I suppose it was necessary to muffle the noise from the street.  We haggled and negotiated until we got the price we wanted for my money exchange--my hands were shaking with adrenaline when I handed over the cash. Whew, I was glad to have that done and ready to head back to the hotel for dinner.

Now it was completely dark outside.  Great.  The street wasn't lit very well and we still had a crowd of kids following us and pressing in from all sides.  There were no other tourists in sight and shops were closing.  John and I were walking briskly, so briskly that I was getting out of breath - but then again, that could have still been the adrenaline.  Now, in addition to all the kids, we had bicycle cart drivers pedaling alongside us, crowding us and cutting us off.  Finally we just hopped in one and told the man to pedal, just to get us away from the dark street with the crowd following us, and to get us to the hotel faster.

We started getting momentum and leaving the crowd behind us.  One persistent young man, probably 10 or 11 years old, with Taj Mahal memorabilia in his hands, kept jogging alongside the cart next to me.  I was busy ignoring him and praying he'd give up when I felt his hand INSIDE the pocket of my kurta (the long top I was wearing)!  My skin started to crawl as I realized that this kid was pick pocketing me!  I snatched a hold of his hand and stared him in the eyes as he grabbed his hand away and finally left.  He didn't seem guilty that he had gotten caught, merely annoyed that he'd run after us to no avail.  Thankfully I don't keep things in my pockets so he didn't get anything.

I was speechless as I sat there in that bike rickshaw.  And our poor driver, he was so small and pedaling as best he could, but our hotel was up a slight hill and he couldn't get the momentum to pedal up the hill and had to get out and walk next to the bike, pushing us up the hill.  (I tried not to let this affect my self esteem about being chubby.)  I told John that this poor man had taken us far enough so we hopped out, paid him, and walked the small way back to the hotel.

Whew!  All this happened in the span of 45 minutes.  I can't believe I almost forgot to include it!

When we arrived back at the hotel, we ate dinner and then loaded up to go to the Agra train station again.  Gosh I hated the train station.  Not only was it always crowded, and the staring worse than anywhere else, the children who beg there just break your heart and there is nothing you can do to help them.

Picture this.  We get out of the taxis and standy aside the vehicles while the men unload our luggage from the top racks.  As we stand there--a timid huddle of Americans--young barefoot children quickly approach us with their little arms extended asking for food or money.  Because we ignored them and avoided making eye contact, the children got more agressive in trying to get our attention.  They began to pinch our arms, just above the elbow and walk directly in front of our path as we headed to the station entrance with our luggage.  The reason we didn't help this children is because we were told that if we gave one or two children any food or money that it would cause a riot amongst the children.  Someone said, "unless you can permantely remove that child from their situation, you won't be helping them by giving them anything."  Like I said, heartbreaking.

Once inside the train station, there weren't as many children begging but rather cripples.  One man with no legs and a mangled arm was persistantly tapping on our feet and stayed within a few feet of us for more than 30 minutes while we waited for our train back to New Delhi.  It's hard to not do anything.  It's hard to realize that this is someone's livlihood.  It's hard to know that some of these people were deliberately injured in order to bring in money for someone else.  *Sigh*  I didn't like the train stations.

Day 5 side note

For our sight-seeing day, we had hired a tour guide to take us to the Taj Mahal, the Red Fort, and to a marble making place. I can't remember his name, but he spoke good english and was knowledgeable of all the facts we needed to know about these places. At the end of the day, while the rest of the team was inside the marble making place, I was sitting outside with Deshpande, the tour guide, and our two taxi drivers. Deshpande and the tour guide were having an interesting debate about Christianity vs. Muslim. The tour guide, a muslim, kept flowing back and forth between Hindi and English so I had a hard time keeping up! But at one point he looked at me and said, "If you marry me, I will convert to Christianity." HAHA! I turned him down and continued to listen to the debate. Later I found out that he's already married and has two children! Regardless, I thought it was funny. Now I can say that I received a marriage proposal in India.

Day 5

These are the events of Tuesday November 24:

After sleeping in, I finally felt adjusted to India time! This was our sight-seeing day. In hindsight, I would have been perfectly fine with spending only half a day sight-seeing so that we could have had more time working with the Indian people. But, we did see some pretty incredible things on this day:

Day 4 part 2

Okay so now it's Monday afternoon and we just left one village for another. Since the debacle with the taxis earlier in the day put us behind schedule, we didn't have time to eat lunch. We snacked on a few things in the taxis, but it was only an hour until we reached the second village.

Because the road we needed to take to the location of the footwashing was down a less-than-promising-and-quite-crowded road, we got out of the taxis on the main road and then walked down said street. Fortunately or unfortunately, at this time in the day there were a lot of children and teenagers walking home from school and it was obvious that many of them, and other men and women on the main road, had never seen white people before. The staring in this village was unlike anywhere else we were in India.

As we walked down the side street, we literally had a growing crowd following us down the street and into the field where the ceremony was set up to take place.

We started right away when we sat down and had a small amplifier that emitted a surprisingly loud sound of our singing and talking across the field and thus brought even more people off the street and over to hear what we were saying. The crowd grew and grew. I noticed a deep sadness in a lot of the faces--this place was noticeable different from the previous village. The people seemed oppressed and weighted down. I prayed hard as we sat there before washing feet.

When we began washing feet, the women were shy but there were enough of them in the crowd that we were busy. So many young men were taking our pictures on their cell phones that I tried not to get distracted from my task of praying over the women whose feet I was touching and washing. Sometimes someone came alongside me and translated what I was saying, but not always. I just remembered to let my face show my heart and show God's love (as best I can) to each woman, man, and child.

When we finished we had quite a crowd eager to follow us up the road to a school where we locked ourselves in so that we could use the toilet before the long car drive back to Agra. We managed to leave the crowd safely - I don't exactly think that having an entourage is as glamorous as one might think.

I started feeling carsick on the ride back to Agra - I swear the roads got bumpier on the way back! About 2 hours there in the dark, still sitting in the back seat, we got a flat tire on our taxi and had to stop on the side of the road until the men could change the tire. I opted to take a middle seat for the rest of the journey back to Agra and slept the whole way!

Even though it was relatively early in the evening, I walked up to our room in Agra and slept on my face for 40 minutes before reviving for dinner downstairs. Everyone was exhausted from the travels and emotions of the day so we quickly ate and went back to bed. One of the girls gave me some pills that helped me sleep through the night for the first time - it was awesome!

Day 4 done!

Day 4 part 1

I woke up at 4:30am even though we didn't need to meet in the hotel lobby until 7am. I was thankful to discover that we had hot water in the bathroom and, after a nice shower, found a nice place in the hotel to sit and journal about the day before. I don't typically keep a daily journal, but on this trip it was such a good idea because now I can remember details like this! :-)

When 7am arrived, I was already in the hotel restaurant sipping on a cup of chai tea (have I mentioned that I would drink 3 or 4 a day in India?). We loaded the team into 3 taxis and left for our day. Not even 10 minutes later we had to turn the taxis all around and go back to the hotel. No one really knew why, at least those of us who didn't speak Hindi. There was some debacle with one taxi or driver not being legally allowed to drive foreigners out of the Agra city limits. Anyway, while that was being figured out, I enjoyed sitting at a small cafe across the street eating breakfast with the team and Sunil.

When we finally departed again, an hour later, I truly experienced an Indian Road Trip - around three hours of traffic and potholes to get us to village #1 for the day. I sat in a back fold-down seat of a vehicle comparable to a 4-runner. Deshpande was sitting across from me and 5 other people were in the front two rows of seats in the car. Sitting sideways on a fold-down seat probably didn't help me not feel carsick... Along the way Deshpande was kind enough to give me an agricultural lesson on the mustard plants, sugar cane, and banana trees we were driving past (when we weren't in a larger city area). I still can't get over the fact that we were sharing tiny roads with people on foot, motorcycles, bikes, semi trucks, donkeys, and other rural carts.

The first village, I can't find the name of it, had crackling speakers loudly blasting an announcement as we arrived and got out of the taxis. We walked to the chairs set up for us underneath a colorful tent and surrounded by interesting trees. The voice on the loudspeaker was saying "our visitors have arrived!" and people from the village quickly arrived and joined us so that we could start.

Similar to the day before, we sang and spoke to the people gathered there. I believe this was more of a "believing community" and they all seemed very receptive to what we were saying. I was honored to share for just a minute or two the things that were on my heart.

This is the gist of what I shared: “My name is Katie and I am from the state of Texas in America. I am a follower of Jesus Christ and, in my own way, a TruthSeeker. I came here to tell you about my God because His love is so great that it compels me to share that love with everyone. One thing that I love about God, is that He is an international God—I can serve Him and you can serve Him. He loves all people regardless of their country, age, or gender. When you believe in Jesus and experience His love, your life has a peace and a hope that never fade. In my country, we have heroes of our past who fought for freedom and, from what I’m learning about your country, you also have people in India’s past who have fought for freedom. Jesus also wants justice and freedom for all nations and people. He wants equality for us, the people He loves. I am honored to show you God’s love today, and that we are all created equal, by washing your feet.”

After the singing and speaking was done, and it was time to wash feet, I only washed a the feet three women before standing to the side to let the other women on our team rotate in and have a turn. The Indian women in this community seemed much more eager and willing to get up and let us wash their feet. As I stood to the side, one of the Indian men who was traveling with us came over to me and said "the women are curious about you--you should go be with them." Taking his advice, I walked over to the women sitting in the sun and sat with them. Oh how I wish I spoke Hindi at that moment!

I'll let the pictures speak about the beauty of that moment to me:





This was probably my favorite 20 minutes of the trip. I had to get up because the women wanted to wash the feet of all the ladies on our team. It was literally and spiritually touching to experience this moment and I hated leaving. I must have embraced more than 20 women on our way to the taxis.


They were incredible. This is why you should go to India. To meet people like this that change your life and help you realize how little you understand about life and love and living. I'm so glad that God let me meet the people of this village on that day.

I know...

I'm so far behind on updating about my India trip! And I have so much else new stuff that I want to share! It's coming, I promise...

Day 3 part 2

After lunch at the hotel, we loaded into a couple SUV taxis and cars and headed over to the site of our first footwashing. We'd only been in the car for 10 minutes when the taxis pulled over and parked on the side of the main road next to barber stations and fruit carts. We unloaded and walked down a small road, around a corner, and into the courtyard of what looked like a community center. Men, both young and old, were gather at the back and women were seated on chairs at the front. Children were running around, some gathered at the front and sat down to stare at us. (See picture.)

Once we arrived everything began quickly and without much ceremony. Some pink rose petals were sprinkled on the tables in front of us and there were also bottles of mineral water for us to drink since it we were outside and it was quite warm. This location was unique because the ceremony was opened by a Buddist-monk-in-training who gave a prayer asking for peace and unity. Then Sunil began speaking and singing with Earnest and Pranjal playing the instruments. When Sunil speaks, he will speak and then flow directly into song without skipping a beat of the Message he is delivering. Since music is a big part of Indian culture, TruthSeekers uses songs that they've written, as well as some Bollywood songs, to help communicate Truth with the low-caste Indians.

One of the ladies in our group, Lynelle, a little bit about herself and why she was there. Jody and Win also shared. Then, I hardly noticed when it happened, there were chairs and buckets at the front and we got up and started washing feet. Women could only wash womens feet, and we started with the oldest women. We tried to coax the women to come forward, sometimes they wouldn't come up unless urged to by some of the local men who spoke to them in Hindi. I washed maybe 6 or 7 womens' feet. When I wasn't washing feet, I was helping empty basins and hand out towels.

While we were still washing feet, about 20 minutes later, we sang another song and then we said a prayer. Then Deshpande came and got us to leave. We had to follow him closely and leave without a lot of announcement. You see, we had about 50 kids following us down the street and alley to the waiting cars and it was quite a task to stay together. Once the men escorted us to the cars we stayed in there until they finished gathering their equipement and joined us so we could leave. The kids remained swarmed around the vehicles and just stared at us or tapped on the windows. It was hard to leave without offering them everything their eyes were asking for--hope and love.

We arrived back at the hotel and met together on the roof in order to debrief. Several Indians were there who had been a part of the day's ceremony. One of the women offered to give the ladies on our team Henna tattoos. It was really fascinating to watch and I like tattoos - so it was a win/win for me!

We left for dinner shortly after - we walked up the road to a restaurant. Since the food took a long time to arrive (and it wasn't very good either), I ended up walking back to the hotel to eat in the hotel restaurant. I stayed up talking with a few members of our team before going to bed exhausted.

Day 3 - over.

Day 3 part 1

Early on Sunday morning we were packed again and taking a 2 ½ hour train ride to Agra. I rode in the backseat of a scary taxi with one of the springs in the seat causing me discomfort on the way as our driver coughed incessantly. It was pretty frightening at the station; traffic was loud and made me disoriented as I tried to walk between the cars without losing sight of the group or losing grip on my luggage. This moment was when we really noticed people staring at us. Being a large group of white people, we stood out to say the very least! And when Indians stare, they have an expressionless face and they don't really stop staring--even when you meet their eyes. Some how I got used to this during the next six days.

We hustled and bustled to get everyone on the right train car, in the right seat. Finally, we were departing and on our way to Agra. Out the window of the train car, I saw countless slums as we moved through and out of Delhi. Children and women were walking around through piles of trash and garbage, there were housing areas that were made of flimsy materials, and there was litter all along the side of the train for the length of our journey.

When we arrived in Agra, the leaders of the community we would be visiting later that day greeted us with flower leis. There were people everywhere but we managed to stay as one group and load up into cars as we drove to our hotel. I already liked Agra better than Delhi. It was crowded like all of India is, but it seemed like the roads were more open and the sky more bright. When we arrived at the Hotel Taj Plaza, I looked down the street and saw the top of the Taj Mahal! We explored our less-than-stellar room with three tiny beds (smaller than a twin) and sketchy bathroom. The roof was fun, you could eat meals from the hotel restaurant there, and had a specktacular view of the Taj Mahal.

Since we had two hours to kill before our afternoon footwashing, we got the chance to walk around and see what normal life looks like. Since we'd mostly been in the TruthSeekers office the day before, it was good to get out and feel the sun. Although you can never really take a deep breath of clean air in India due to the pollution, the warmth of the air seemed to help us adapt to the time zone.

We walked down the road in front of the hotel that leads to the Taj Mahal. The closer you get to the Taj, the more venders and sellers start to yell at you and walk alongside you and try to get you to look at their postcards, snow globes, marble works, wooden trinkets, etc. We were taught that the best approach to losing their interest is to simply look straight ahead, not making eye contact, and completely ignore them. Sometimes I'd shake my head from side to side and say "Nay. Nay." But often that just encouraged them more than the ignoring.

As we turned left down another road outside the West entrance to the Taj Mahal, the shops became less tourist-oriented and we saw more of the simple shops and trades that occupy the streets of neighborhoods. We saw monkeys wandering around, pigs digging through trash, naked children, hardworking men and women, donkeys carrying carts, cows wandering around, bicycles and rickshaws, goats, dogs sleeping in the street, and lots of curious glances.

We quickly discovered that the children all know "hello. chocolate?" and "hello. money?" in English. Since we weren't handing out money or chocolate, we entertained them with our cameras by taking pictures of them and then showing them. I remembered my go-to phrase of "What is your name?" in Hindi and got many giggles in return. It was a fun way to spend the morning.

Notes from Day 2

In my journal, I wrote down several things that were shared during orientation on Saturday. I thought they were worth including for you to read as well:

"Reformation can only come to India through the presence of Christians from other countries. "

"We are dreamers, that is why we are living. The day we stop dreaming is the day we stop living." - Sunil Sardar

"I don't know if I'm a traditional Christian. But I wasn't a TruthSeeker before, and I am now. Of this I am certain." - Victor Paul

"Everyone thinks they can change India by getting rid of the caste systems. But this has only caused the castes to grow stronger. We need reformation to see change--a difference of the heart." - Sunil Sardar

Day 2

I woke up at 5am because of the time difference and took a very cold bucket shower. I had waited roughly 3-4 minutes for hot water, but that didn't happen so I just filled the bucket with cold water. Although there was an option for the normal shower, the pressure wasn't impressive and I decided to just use the provided bucket and cup method. (See picture...and to clarify, I took pictures of more than just bathrooms.)

After that experience, I stood at the window by our balcony and watched the street wake up for the day. I saw a husband and wife go through some sort of morning prayer routine on their balcony, I saw men pushing carts begin to call out their wares in Hindi, I also heard newspaper headlines shouted out by cyclists, and watched the birds and parrots sway on the telephone wires.

When everyone was awake, we all walked two blocks to the TruthSeekers office for breakfast and orientation. The office is on the second floor of a building and includes a kitchen, a large gathering room, a dining room, two bathrooms, and three office rooms. People come and go throughout the TruthSeekers office everyday, dinner is served every night, and there are beds on the fourth floor of the building for guests to sleep in while in Delhi (some of the single TruthSeekers live up there). Since Delhi is essentially the Washington DC of India, lots of caste leaders from all parts of India will travel there for meetings. The office is open to everyone as long as they are willing to interact with whoever else might be there. I like that within the walls of their office and home, the TruthSeekers are working to see the caste system destroyed.

I should mention that the four main objectives of TruthSeekers are love, equality, dignity, and freedom. They are as much a social justice organization as they are a Christian ministry. Their ultimate goal is to see reconciliation of the caste system in India. Because there is not even a word in Hindi for reconciliation, the TruthSeekers teach it to low-caste Indians by connecting the pieces of truth that are throughout Indian history, traditions, and culture. So many people in India have been told lies about their worth and TruthSeekers wants to give low-caste Indians their dignity, tell them words of truth, and sing them songs of love in order to point them all to God. This was also our goal with each footwashing ceremony we did during the week.

Anyway, after breakfast we spent time in general introductions of both the American team and the TruthSeekers. To name a few: Steve Smith (from Texas!), Sunil Sardar who started TruthSeekers, Deshpande, Earnest, Pranjal, Bhascar, Vincent, Victor, and Dr. Renke. I noticed that there is a unique culture/community about TruthSeekers. Throughout the week they introduced countless social and spiritual leaders to us as "a friend of TruthSeekers" or "a TruthSeeker." Because everyone who is working for the freedom of low-caste Indians is part of the same fight, they consider all of them friends or partners of their ministry.

Throughout the morning we spent time together going over the schedule for the week, tips about food and sleep, then we would sing (I learned several songs in Hindi), and, finally, we washed each other's feet. All in all, I know that it was a crash course in learning about India and the caste system and that we didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of understanding it completely.

At the end of orientation, the women went to the Smith's house (just a few blocks away) and received a clothing lesson from Steve's wife, Robin, and their daughter Irene. In this photo, we have in the back Irene Smith, Ashley Job (13, California), and me. Then in the front is Lynnel Job (California), Jody, and McKenna.

Then we all loaded up in cars and went shopping at FabIndia for our "salwars." The bottoms I bought were called Patiyala pants, the tops are called Kurtas, and the scarf is a Dubatta.

I think we ate dinner at the TruthSeekers office, but I can't really remember. I know I went to sleep around 8 or 9pm because I was pooped!

Day 1 of my trip to India

After a 15-hour flight from Chicago on November 19, which skipped ahead 11 1/2 hours to November 20, I arrived in Delhi late at night. Five other Americans were on my flight and we picked up by our leader, Noel, outside of baggage claim and customs. It is entertaining to note that I had my first experience with a squatty potty in the airport. (see picture)



When we first stepped outside the airport into the warm air, I realized that the air in India is hazy and smells like campfire and incense. But there was little time to soak in the surroundings as we were quickly divided into a taxi and the TruthSeekers van. Because it’s always rush hour in Delhi, it took us a long time to get to our guest house—or perhaps it just seemed like a long time because of the harrowing ride through a city of 14-million people with confusing roads and no apparent rules for drivers. On the roads in India, not just Delhi, you will have huge trucks and buses alongside smaller cars, motercycles, bicylces, donkeys pulling cards, 3-wheel rickshaw taxis, and wandering livestock. Combine these factors with unmarked roads, confusing construction detours, and everyone honking their horn every 5 seconds...it was total chaos!

We arrived to the "South Extension Part II" of New Delhi, where both our guest house and the TruthSeekers Office are. Our guest house was called the "Pee Fiftyone House" and was much nicer than I had expected. I stayed with Jody (23, Texas) and McKenna (17, Colorado) in a large suite with a normal toilet in the bathroom. (see picture, that's McKenna)

It was after midnight when we arrived, so we went to bed.

I'm in India

I leave tomorrow for a trip to India. I'll be working with TruthSeekers International (learn more here) to reach out to the low-caste Indians near New Delhi. Please pray that lives are changed and hope is restored through the songs, testimonies, scripture, and footwashing ceremonies that I will be a part of.

My specific prayer requests are:

Practically: Please pray that travel goes smoothly (getting to India and buses/trains within India), that I will be healthy, and that I'll remember to pack everything I need (snacks, clothing, medications, host gifts, etc.).

Emotionally: Pray that I will remember the social and gender issues of the Indian culture and act appropriately. Pray that I will be able to "cope" with the poverty I’ll see. And, finally, pray that I and the rest of my team of 8 will connect well with each other and the local Indian Truthseekers Staff.

Spiritually: Please pray that, despite the hopeless situations I might see, I will be given words of hope to share with the low caste Indians I meet; that I won't become discouraged or frustrated by my inability to change their circumstances. That God shows me more of Him.

I look forward to recovering from jet lag next weekend by spending time processing what I saw and learned in India. I will definitely post those thoughts here with some photos too.

Please eat a huge turkey dinner for me and enjoy the time with your family and friends celebrating all that we have to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!

Hebrews 7:25, NLT

Therefore He is able, once and forever, to save those who come to God through Him. He lives forever to intercede with God on their behalf.

I have never had to walk to my school or walk to my job.
I've never been deprived of dignity on a daily basis.
I have never been considered low-caste.
I have never felt true hunger.
I've never been without a bed to sleep in.
I have never lived in a crammed shack.
I've never really known hopelessness.

Can a few Westerners going to the neighborhoods in and around New Delhi really make a difference? Can our hands washing their feet really restore hope in a broken society, fully of bondage? I believe the answer is yes because - although I have never - HE IS ABLE.

Comment moderation

I've heard from several people that they are unable to comment on my blog - I'm sorry about that! I don't know what is causing the problems, I'll contact blogger.

In the meantime, I cherish your thoughts! If you are unable to comment on one of my posts, please e-mail me with the title of blog in the subject line. My e-mail address is katie.ellwood[at]gmail.com

Thanks Friends!

Jeremiah 1:4-8, NLT

The Lord gave me this message:

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.
Before you were born I set you apart
and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

“O Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I can’t speak for you! I’m too young!”

The Lord replied, “Don’t say, ‘I’m too young,’ for you must go wherever I send you and say whatever I tell you. And don’t be afraid of the people, for I will be with you and will protect you. I, the Lord, have spoken!”

Most of the time, these is the same words that I hear God telling me. I'm not saying that I'm a prophet like Jeremiah, I'm saying that I feel called to share God's love with people - all the time. I sometimes think that I'm too young to achieve the dreams that I have, but God has always used people of various ages to spread His message.

Tonight I was feeling emotionally empty because of the hectic schedule I've had. I feel ready for the trip to India, but I just needed a boost. Thankfully, these verses came to me and I once again feel refreshed with new vigor from the Lord as I read His Word and see His plans for me can only be accomplished because He is with me.

A timely word, a hopeful word, a promising word, a prophetic word, a blessed word, an encouraging word, a healing word--Your words, Lord, are a balm for my soul. Thank you.

Insecurities

Bleh. I hate insecurities. I suppose they remind me that I am human and not an infallible being. You might not realize how much this blog is an insecurity for me. It's all my secrets and thoughts and dreams submitted to cyberspace for anyone to read. Yikes! Half the time, when or if I go back and read past posts, I want to delete them because I read it and think "that was stupid - why did I write that?". But I don't delete them. (I can't say the same for some of my facebook statuses or tweets though, haha!)

Whoever reads this, thank you for not telling me that what I write is ridiculous. I don't want false compliments, but I am really insecure about my writing - even though I love to write and think that it will remain a big part of my life for years to come. And, strangely enough, I'm not sure that I want to overcome this insecurity. It keeps me humble and keeps me authentic with what I write.

But I still hate insecurities. Raw emotions of any kind usually overwhelm and intimidate me. Goodness knows I'm going to be a mess one day when I fall in love. Ick!

In the meantime, I'm going to try and remain emotionally healthy, even if it means acknowledging certain insecurities that are here to stay. I'm going to remember that God never changes and in God alone I can be confident.

Lamentations 3:19-24, The Message

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.

I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—

the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there's one other thing I remember,

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn't have run out,

his merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.

Genesis 22:14, NLT

Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means “the Lord will provide”). To this day, people still use that name as a proverb: “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

One of the many things I remember from my years in Sunday school and bible memorization programs for students is the study I did in high school on the names of God. Jehovah-Jireh is the one I remember the most as I have always felt it was the name/characteristic of God that was easiest for me to grasp.

God has been good to me by providing for my needs. Perhaps not always in the drastic way that He did for Abraham in the Old Testament, but nonetheless, I have very little needs in this temporary world and I credit that blessing to my heavenly Father.

I'm preparing to leave for India this week and wondering at how my privileged American mindset will handle the concept of a God who is a Provider and the face that I will be faced with drastic physical needs in a way I never have before.

Does God really provide for those people? Can I really tell them that my God (who has blessed me with a nice car, apartment, and job) wants to provide for them without getting their expectations to out-of-wack?

I suppose God's characteristic of being a Provider isn't as easy to understand as I first thought.

Lord, please teach me to understand that Your provision doesn't always mean comfort, stress-free living, and bills that are paid. Please allow me to have a broken heart for the needs of this world so that I don't become faithless and doubt that You are Who you say You are - a Provider. Thank you for tearing down my haughtiness and continually molding me. Allow me to use my resources to join in your Team of Provision. Thank you for the opportunity to join You in what You're doing around the world.

Exodus 3:12, NLT

God answered, “I will be with you."

Have you ever been in the place where you need confirmation? You doubt your work, your image, and your location - you might ask God for a sign to let you know that you're where He wants you to be. Some days we don't get that sign, some days are dark with discouragement.

I remember when I lived in Ireland there were a few days like that. I was doing volunteer youth work in Belfast with Youth for Christ and sometimes missed the comfort of being "home" in a place with other Americans and my favorite food. Thankfully, those days were truly few and far between -- I've doubt what I'm doing more since I returned to Texas than ever before.

You'd think that in my home country I would find comfort, but almost every day I'm asking God to confirm why I am here and why I'm doing what I am. It's not what I thought it would be. It's not bad - please don't get me wrong, I'm very blessed - but it's just different and my spirit isn't satisfied.

The good news is that God is with me. Overseas, in Texas, in my car, in my cubicle - He's there. And sometimes, when discouragement comes like the rain, God comes like the rainbow to remind us that we are where He wants us to be.

"Lord you have permitted me to experience the joy of Your purposeful, promising presence. Even on days when I doubt, help me know that wherever I am, I can share that joy with those who are homesick."

Remembrance Day

I'm not usually political in my posts, but doesn't everyone have some patriotic pride emerge on Veterans Day? I won't get too bogged down with jargen or hype because it annoys when I see other people feel the need to jump on the "oh yeah, thanks vets" wagon in terms of facebook statuses and twitter updates. I guess I really shouldn't be so skeptical of their intentions.

For an interesting perspective on this day, also known as Remebrance Day in other countries, please read my cousin Phoebe's blog. Click here. She is currently studying at Oxford and has learned a new perspective about this "holiday." I remember the somber significance of Remembrance Day when I lived in Ireland and I was grateful to read Phoebe's post for the reminder that Veterans Day is about more than sales and parades.

All I want to say really is that I'm extremely grateful for the sacrifices that have been made by my family members to serve our country. My cousin Cory (active Marine) and his wife and three children; my Uncle Steve. My deceased family members: great-Grandpa Colonel Herbert Gish (Army) and his family who was at home while he served in WWI and WWII; Great-Great-Uncle Milton (Army); Great-Great-Aunt Mildred (Navy); and my much loved Grandad Frank Anderson (Army) and my Grandma Mary Jo for supporting him from home during WWII.

Here is a picture of my Grandad in France during WWII. I'm very proud.

A Constant Frustration

This is a little sidetrack from my current theme of "encouragement." I was out-of-town and unplugged from technology this weekend and will soon resume my normal posts. However, at the moment, I'm distracted by my heart's scuffle with emotions of confusion, anger, and frustration.

You see, I have the priviledge of being a friend and/or mentor to many ladies in Dallas. Some a little older, most younger, I keep hearing the same statements and questions in conversations:

"I don't feel anything anymore."

"How can I actually do anything for the Lord? What do I have to offer?"

"Life sucks. What's the point?"

"Why aren't I happy?"

"How come God hasn't given me what I want?"

"I don't know what I believe anymore - I'm so confused."

"This isn't what I thought it was going to be like."

Most of the time I don't have the gumption to tell them, bluntly, what I think is true on the subject. I believe that we let ourselves get discouraged when we stress about how to fit God in our lives or when we can schedule a "quiet time" and get it crossed off our to-do list. God can't and shouldn't be orchestrated. This becomes religion and religion isn't what God wants.

No wonder we feel distant from God when we work so hard to do the things we think will make us feel better. All we have to do is live life, the kind of life God wants us to live, and include Him in every aspect.

Isaiah 1:13-17, The Message translation

"Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings—meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning. When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up. Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer. Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice. Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless. "

So there.

Colossians 3:2, New Living Translation

Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.

As "things above" and "things below" are obviously contrary one to the other, both cannot be followed together. It's a difficult choice to make as a disciple of Christ; heaven or the world, sacrifice or comfort? Actually, that probably isn't correct. I just realized as I typed that that I assume choosing things of the world means comfort. That isn't true - the world has pain and no one is exempt from it. That said, it isn't a field of daisies when you follow God, either. We get many blessings from following Christ, but a perfect life isn't promised.

Ultimately, what I learned from this verse tonight is that I have made a wonderful choice in choosing Christ and I need to see every thing (good or bad) through an eternal perspective and as a blessing an opportunity to learn and grow.

Father, why do I often equate blessings with comfort, health, and pleasant circumstances? I so want to count as blessings the difficult moments and happenings as well. Please continue to give me gentle reminders of contentment through the examples of those I encounter who "live simply, so others may simply live." Amen.

James 1:12, NLT

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

It's ironic that this was the verse I read tonight because earlier to day I read a blog (which I love because it's harshly authentic and quite controversial) about the author's strong feelings against a new book about to be published by a "prosperity gospel" figure. I won't reveal who either of these people are because it's not relevant.

As you (hopefully) know, this verse from James isn't promising us wealth, health, or the answers to our problems. In fact, this verse doesn't even promise an end to the testings and temptations of life. - insert depressing music here - But I believe that there is encouragement found in these words. These words are ultimately the definition of perseverance. Bearing under the load, not being freed from it.

As Christians, our ability to persevere is different from those who don't know God. We can continue to walk through trails and trust that God will remain faithful and trustworthy to give us strength to stand up again when we fall. Share this hope with someone today.

Father, when the cares of this world weigh me down, You see me through to a new day. I praise and thank You for Your Holy Spirit whose encouragement inspires me to persevere through difficult experiences. Amen.

Proverbs 12:25, NLT

Worry weighs a person down;
an encouraging word cheers a person up.

Obviously the current theme of my blog is encouragement and verses that relate to it. I never really thought of myself as a worrier but life of late has revealed my worrisome side. Thankfully my worry isn't where my next meal comes from or where I'll sleep each night. But worry still does tend to reflect in my eyes and my attitude. This proverb is accurate that an encouraging word can cheer a person up. I'm always eager to have someone give me a cheerful word (I wish it happened more often!) and make the day seem brighter. I also like being the deliverer of that encouraging word that cheers someone up!

This blog seems kinda pointless and meaningless tonight but I'm trying hard to blog every night. It's been a couple months since my blogging was regular and I miss it. Thanks for bearing with me through the slower nights when my brain is tired!

Hebrews 10:24, NLT

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

At a church small group leaders meeting tonight we talked about the mission of our groups. While the description of my group (below) could qualify as a mission statement, I think this verse from Hebrews better describes what the overall purpose of our meeting each week is about.

We are a women-only small group; a fun mix of women in their 20s who meet weekly in central Dallas. We represent a unique blend of careers, hair colors, and hobbies. But with all that aside, we come together each week as a community of appreciated individuals to share, learn and serve with one another as we seek to deepen our relationships with God.

Looking at it now, the verse and the description say the same thing (more or less). Overall, the main point is that we know why we meet each week. We want to motivate and encourage each other to know God better and to incorporate His love in our daily actions.

I just learned that I need to prepare a short message to share during the footwashing events for my upcoming trip to India. I need to speak from the Word and center on either a parable, God's desire to release people from captivity, or God's love. Basically, I need to apply the mission of my small group to this mission trip - encourage others and motivate them to accept and live out God's love.

In that mindset, it's a different picture in Dallas than it will be in New Delhi. But I'm hopeful that I will be used by God to encourage (both here and there), and also that God will use His people around the world to encourage me. More than anything, I hope God's heart will be pleased by all that He sees His hands doing through mine and those on my team and those in my small group.

James 1:2-4, New Living Translation

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

This used to be one of my favorite passages of scripture because it encouraged me as I struggled with things. Now I'm not so sure that I like it because I've come further in life and realized that there is always a struggle and always a test to my faith. Sometimes I just get so tired of it and want a break. But I know there isn't a break on this earth from pain and struggle. My spirit gets so tired of these "growth opportunities" and wants to just finally be at home with the Lord.

Jesus, please come home soon so that I can sit at Your feet all day and have no more toil or grief. I know it's nothing I deserve but that You have promised it to me. I love You and hope that my meager offerings and pitiful faith can somehow make You proud until Your return.

Unexpected Expense

"One day," I always say. "One day I'll learn how to manage my money better!"

These words typically follow a financial blunder on my part; an instance in which I thought I was doing good and then swiftly realized that my account balance didn't add up correctly. Darnit. I blame the automatic withdraw for all my problems. :-)

At the beginning of this year, I went through a 13-week course on financial peace that was offered by Dave Ramsey and hosted by my church. I learned so much and made good progress. No more credit card debt, I think that's worth celebrating! But I still struggle. I can complain that it's because I don't make enough money or because something "always comes up," but the truth is that I should plan my life and finances according to what I make and with a plan for the unexpected expenses (which, if you think about it, aren't that unexpected...Christmas comes at the same time every year you know).

This morning, as I was once again lamented an upcoming expense that was "unexpected," I began to think about Christ. The Bible speaks about Christ's sacrifice as the payment for our sins. That He canceled our debt. That He paid the ultimate expense. I sat here just overwhelmed with these thoughts... I mean, how can I complain about my monetary expenses that are not significant in light of eternity (except that how I handle them should honor God) when my mindset should really be focused on things above.

God didn't have an unexpected expense when He lost His Son to death for our sins. God the Father and God the Son knew the high cost of this act. It was planned for all of time, every aspect of our human condition, of history, and of our future was taken into account. And when the moment came to make the payment, He didn't waver. There was no going back, no searching for additional funds, no credit, no remaining balance. He paid it all.

In light of this, my life should change. My daily actions should reflect my heart's condition - which is debt free because of Christ! So the next time I feel that life is asking too much, more than I can afford to give, I pray that my Spirit remembers first that my life is not my own and all I have to give is all I need to give for God's glory every day.

Ephesians 5:19b-20, NIV

"Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

I'm sitting in the kitchen of my unusually quiet house and listening to my favorite Christian music and reading the Bible. I'm not sure that I could exactly define what Paul meant when he said to "make music in your heart to the Lord," but I think it must be something like what my heart is doing right now.

Galations 6:1-3, The Message

Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

I have a sore back most mornings. It's the result of a strained muscle in 2006 (note: don't go jump on a bed to scare a friend and then fall on the floor, it hurts!). Because this stiffness prevents me from moving about my daily routine in comfort, I find myself going through significant effort to avoid moving in a way that I know will hurt. I look ridiculous, and whatever I'm doing usually takes twice as long, but I succeed in avoiding the pain.

These verses says "stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed." When I read this, I realized that I'm incredibly selfish and self-protective. My habit of exerting more time and effort to avoid discomfort has overlapped into my spiritual life. Too often I am unwilling to go out of my way to assist another believer or someone I see in need. I let my comfort and schedule dictate whether or not I will show grace and mercy as God commands. This is shockingly similar to the appalling behavior of the priest and the Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan.

I've never wanted to be in the place where I ask those in my life to show me grace and mercy, but are unwilling to bend down and offer it myself. As much as it might hurt or be inconvenient, I need to follow Christ's example and share their burdens. I'm deceiving myself to think that I can accept it and not have to give it in return.

So I'm going to continue to take care of strengthening my back muscles and building up strength while also practicing the spiritual discipline of overcoming the desire to walk past those who are oppressed and need grace and mercy.

Jesus said, "Go and do the same."

If my life were a book

In the few moments of quiet that I've had in the last couple weeks, I find myself coming up with chapter titles to the book of my life. It might seem silly, but I literally drive from one thing to the next and think to myself: "When I write my memoir, this chapter will be called ____." I amuse myself too much sometimes. Anyway -

Maybe one day I will have the time to add words underneath these titles. But in the meantime, here are a few for your entertainment:

Cooking for One

Red-faced and Running

Cubicle Blues

Left Behind

Don't Tell Me: To Say No
Don't Tell Me: That I Can't Do It
Don't Tell Me: You Understand
Don't Tell Me: To Wait
Don't Tell Me: Anything
God is Annoying Me
I've Got Peace Like a Volcano
I wish I was an Ostrich
Pride is Here, just waiting for the Fall
It's all Eve's Fault
Unread Books
Just Me and .
Star of the Freak Show
Rock and Roller Coasters

Hebrews 13:8

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I spent a long time yesterday reading through scripture, trying to find a verse that would bring comfort to a grieving friend. I wanted something that would tell my friend everything that I was at a loss to say in my own words. Discouraged at not being able to find the "right thing," I closed the bible and moved on to a different thought.

Then, later last night, I read a blog about suffering. In that blog was the verse that I didn't realize I needed, Hebrews 13:8. It may not have been able to provide the words that will give all the answers or help anything make sense, but these words are true and just as applicable.

Thank you Lord for being our consistent Savior. When things don't make sense, help us to remember that you're the same. Love you God. Goodnight.

Psalm 19:7-9, The Message

The revelation of God is whole

and pulls our lives together.

The signposts of God are clear

and point out the right road.

The life-maps of God are right,

showing the way to joy.

The directions of God are plain

and easy on the eyes.

God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold,

with a lifetime guarantee.

The decisions of God are accurate

down to the nth degree.

Last night after hearing a friend speak her heart and share her convictions about what God is asking her to do, I couldn't help but think a lot about obedience. It's not easy. I admire my friend for recognizing what the Lord wants her to do and realizing that she must obey - the trick is that it's going to be very very difficult for her.

I was thrilled to see that a verse from Psalm 19 was the "verse of the day" on www.biblegateway.com today. Reading these words on the validity of the Word are just the "push" I think we all need when it comes to obedience. We can't go wrong if we obey.

I don't know if this speaks to you and where God has you right now, but regardless, I would encourage you to act on that "nudge" from the Lord. He knows what He's doing.

I miss you

Dear Blog,

I miss writing each night. I don't know why I've been away. Although, come to think of it...I began a new job, my not-so-small group multiplied into three, I have traveled, begun a small freelance writing job, and read two books. Oh.

Nevertheless, when I don't write to you, dear Blog, I'm also not spending the time in the Word that I want to be. As such, I'm not only suffering mentally from not processing all my thoughts - but I'm also suffering spiritually. And my spiritual health is important. Perhapys I shall begin staying at work a few minutes past my shift each day. Just long enough so I can compose a blog for the day.

Wait for me, my friend. I'm on my way back to you!

Katie.

Proverbs 2:1-8, New Living Translation

My child, listen to what I say,
and treasure my commands.
Tune your ears to wisdom,
and concentrate on understanding.
Cry out for insight,
and ask for understanding.
Search for them as you would for silver;
seek them like hidden treasures.
Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord,
and you will gain knowledge of God.
For the Lord grants wisdom!
From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He grants a treasure of common sense to the honest.
He is a shield to those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of the just
and protects those who are faithful to him.

I seek things all the time. At work I seek the right words to use in my letters and I search for ways to do my job better. At home, I look for that lost sock, a misplaced container of leftovers somewhere in the fridge, and ways to keep things clean. In other areas of life, I seek things like the right greeting card for a friend, the perfect price of gas to fill up my car, new activities and events to attend with friends, and ways to prevent boredom. I am a seeker of all these things.

Ultimately, however, I want to be a seeker of Christ and Him alone. I read this proverb listed above and I am ashamed that my energy is spent more in seeking the temporary things of the world than it is in the eternal things of the Lord.

This is the same journey I've been on for years. I know its only going to continue, but hopefully it will at least get better! :-)

Seasons of Change

The changing of the summer to autumn is my favorite time of year. As if there hasn’t been an autumn before, I get excited about drinking apple cider, taking walks with leaves falling from trees, carving pumpkins, and reveling in the cool weather. I was giddy today thinking about these fall activities. This is the kind of change that I enjoy. This kind of change doesn’t necessarily require me to do anything other than add more layers to my wardrobe.

Unfortunately, there is so much more that needs to change than just the natural rotation of seasons. The seasons of friendship need to change when life takes you down an unexpected turn or through a natural progression of life stages. Your life often goes through a changing of seasons when you transition from a location or a job. The spiritual seasons of my life aren’t on a regular schedule and we need to wake ourselves up from hibernation when we’ve been sleeping too long.

Especially on my mind today is the type of change that we have control over. We must change the trends in of injustice, of hunger, of gossip, of complacency, and of hatred. I am tired of seeing myself stand by, this season must change. In light of what Christ did for us, how can I go idly go through life? My heart echoes the words here in David Crowder’s song “Surely We Can Change”:

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

Matthew 4:18-25

After small group tonight I wanted to reword this passage in my own words, as if I were a character in the story. So here is my attempt:

As Jesus walked along a well-traveled and familiar place, He saw a young woman working at her job. Jesus said to her, "Join me. I'll show you how to go beyond your normal work and life an eternally focused life. Together we'll show others about love." The young woman immediately agreed and changed her entire life in order to follow Him.

A little further away, Jesus and the woman came across more people who were working, going to school, and pursuing their normal routines. The same offer was made and everyone abandoned their old lives as they knew them and followed Jesus.

From this point on, these individuals walked with Jesus throughout their community. Everywhere they went, the spoke of truth and the love of Christ. People were healed both physically and spiritually as a result. God was glorified.

Think Time

This week I've cut back on my schedule. Shocking, I know. But because I was starting a new position at work, I knew the transition was going to be draining and I could use all the down time I could get. Let me just say, it was incredible. I got to drive around, wander through shops and stores, cook dinner, and work out. Simple pleasures.

This did give me a lot of "think time." Ironically enough, I was reading a chapter from Howard Hendrick's "Living by the Book" and came across the same concept there. I am reading from the third and final section of the book about application of the bible. One of the steps of application is to MEDITATE.

The author shares that he was once at a time in his life where he was near a psychotic breakdown. It wasn't until someone came and visited him and followed him around that he heard the words: "Your problem is that you are behind on your think time." Like the author, I can let so many things occupy my attention that I don't allow myself time apart to process it all. This could be the very definition of "overwhelmed."

True meditation (aka: think time) is "pondering the truth with a view to letting it help and readjust our lives." This is vital to the Believer. Hopefully, believers are spending time in God's word. But more than that, are believer leaving time to mediate on these works and let them sink in to our core and change our lives? Or are we just crossing off our list of "christian things to do today?"

When I lived in Northern Ireland, the staff at Youth for Christ were masters at knowing their year-teams would need time to meditate. Every month we would get together for a "team day" and there would always be a reflective exercise or an hour or more of "me time." I credit those moments to my sanity that year. And what have I done to continue that practice here in Dallas? Aside from the occasional emotional breakdown due to exhaustion, I don't give myself that time until it's a spiritual code red. I should be proactive about scheduling biblical meditation in my life.

Meditation is key to changing our outlook. Just like I felt as though my quality of life was better this week because I started a wonderful new position at work and had more down time in the evenings, I'm sure the same will apply to my spiritual quality of life when I leave more intentional spiritual meditation time in my life.

To TV or not TV

On weeknights when I come home (which is usually around 9pm or 10pm), the updates of my friends on Facebook and Twitter make me feel two things, and those two things contradict each other. I guess this is the proof of my struggle with balancing emotions!

Numero 1) I resent the fact that I'm too busy/involved watch tv. I want to be lazy and relax just like everyone else!!

Numero 2) When I come home from spending precious time with my best friends/leading a weekly biblestudy/babysitting for free for another small group/investing in friendships, I inevitably log onto facebook or twitter and about 80% of the updates are regarding the shows of the night. I can't help but puff myself up and congratulate myself on how I'm not wasting my life away in front of the tube.

Yikes, my judgmental and conceited attitude really came through in that last one. Honesty--yeesh!

Well, my back-and-forth battle with these two thoughts has continued in the last couple weeks. While I don't think there is anything wrong with a night at home to "veg out," I definitely think that you can relax just as much with one or two friends over. Then at least you're "vegging out" in community. Controversy, if you are out of the house and just too busy to sit still, make sure you don't become so self-righteous and judgmental that you alienating people.

Luke 6:37, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned."

Bad news

Remember the story of the prophet Samuel when he had to go deliver bad news to King Saul? Saul had disobeyed God and Samuel had to go tell him that God was unhappy with him. I'm sure Samuel was not looking forward to that conversation.

What about the story of Jonah: God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah and preach against the city for their wickedness. I'm not sure anyone can blame Jonah for wanting to flee, even to the belly of a whale.

I delivered bad news today. And it sucked.

Most of us can remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we've been given bad news. I remember sitting in the dingy McDonalds table as a young teenager when my parents told us that my grandpa had died. When I first learned of the plane crashes on September 11, 2001, I was in my pajamas, in the family room with my mom. Well now I feel like I'm the person that will be included in the memory of those who I had to tell about Tracie today...and it's not a memory that I want to be a part of.

Here is another strange thought. As a Christian, I have GOOD NEWS for everyone - Jesus Christ, is the Son of the One True God, and He came to earth as a human to take the punishment of our sin (death). But He conquered death and offers everyone access to eternal life by simply accepting His forgiveness and acknowledging Him as God. So my strange thought is this, for good news to be considered good, doesn't it need to be compared to bad news?

Basically what I'm getting at is that, even in the midst of bad news and bad days, God can work, God is there, He is all around, and He has good news.

From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said:
"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help,
and you listened to my cry."

Jonah 2:1-2

All Around by The Glorious Unseen

When my world is caving in

When my hopes are wearing thin

When I’m choking in my sin -

Lord, you meet me here

When all around is crashing down,

I find myself alive in you

Holy one, renew

When all around is crashing down,

I find my spirit crying out

Holy one, consume

When I listen to the fear

When I feel my end is near

When all hope has disappeared -

Lord, you meet me here

Will you pour out again?

God of mercy, here I am reaching out to you-

Reaching out for a breakthrough

Father, hear my cry of desperation once again

I look into your eyes - and know a love that has no end

1 John 4:16a, NIV

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

I just read the obituary of one of my friends. I haven' t ever done that before. My heart is confused and torn between feeling hurt and feeling sad. Suicide is perplexing and leaves a lot of unanswered questions.

Because Tracie and I have lost touch in the last couple of years, our interaction was limited to the odd facebook chat every few months. Perhaps that is what makes this even more weird. A huge part of my time in highschool was spent with Tracie: church on Sunday nights, Awana program on Mondays and Thursdays, homeschool classes, and social events most weekends. This is where it's weird. I almost feel like I shouldn't hurt so much because we weren't close anymore. But that's really the opposite of what the situation is.

Because we weren't close anymore, and now I hear that she's gone, all I want to is call her and see how she's doing. I want to call and ask her what was going on that made her choose to end it all. Mostly, I want the chance to have my friend back.

I sat at home this morning and looked through old photos of Tracie and I from highschool. I felt like I needed to sit at home in quiet and reflect on her life with respect. I don't want to move on from this day or this week with any resentment or bitterness. The confusion will probably linger, that's what suicide does, but I want to respect Tracie's life and speak kindly of the person she was.

One of my best friends just went through these same emotions when a friend of hers took his own life. She has a much better way of communicating emotions than I, here are the words she shared with me today:

we loved them. and now they're gone. and we don't know why. and we never will. i think whats really cruel about suicide is that it robs the person of their identity. and it labels them. and people hear they "committed suicide" and the person they make up in their head isn't who the person was. they were someones child. someones brother or sister. someones best friend. they were someone. and for us who are left behind, i think we just have to chose to remember them, as the person they were. before suicide. before life became too hard. and we miss them. but mostly, we remember. and we live. and we chose to let their lives mean something.